Rob Manuel

Jibjab sendables

robmanuel — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:44:12 +0000

Myself and young Dave have produced three ’sendables’ for JibJab.

All three are on a birthday theme.

Forklift
Hoedown
Cake

If you only check one, then please look at Forklift as it’s my favourite.

Mr Pitchy

robmanuel — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:35:24 +0000

Myself and Dave Stevenson have spent most of Jan and Feb writing songs and animating.

Bored of flash, we decided to use stop motion and bits of paper.

We really hope you like them because we put a lot of ourselves into this stuff.

CODE CODE CODE

A change of pace here - not so much meant to be amusing, just a quirky set a of lyrics I wrote 6 months ago that me and Dave adapted for the Mr Pitchy project.

My favourite one probably.

GET CLICKY.

Electricitasty

This one goes out to Powergen.

Get clicky to watch and hear Pluggy and his ode to electricity.

There’s A Hole In My Cock That Lets The Tears Out

Me and Dave are reinventing ourselves as sensitive singer songwriters you see…

Get clicky to watch the video and hear the song.

I Wish My Wife Was A Horse

Me + Dave have made a song / animation. All lovely cut up bits of paper - no flash.

I Wish My Wife Was A Horse

Inside out toys

robmanuel — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 12:02:42 +0000

God_of_the_Mind writes, “A couple of issues ago you posted an article called Mutant Toys, with the inside-out teddy bears. Well I had a crack at it myself and took before and after pictures. Have a gander. The question begs, ‘Have I just ruined a perfectly good teddy bear?’”

Actually, I should mention that I too had a go at this, although I forgot to photograph the before state, and poor teddy’s eyes didn’t really work, so there’s bulldog clips instead. Obviously.

Debunking 600 Incredibly Useless Facts

robmanuel — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 15:52:59 +0000

Just been for a cheeky trout in the office bog and spied a book stuffed behind the radiator.

Entitled “Bla Bla 600 Incredibly Useless Facts”, it sounds like the perfect formula for shit-lit: open on any page and there’s something to startle or make you laugh.

(As a quick aside, there’s a litmus test for populist entertainment: is it funny or interesting? It’s no coincidence two of the more popular acronyms on the web are LOL and OMG. LOL = Funny, and OMG = interesting.)

On reading the back-cover, I find I’m reaching for another netism: FFS, these facts are complete nonsense, and anyone who’s read more than two pages of every-ones favourite spoilsports Snopes will recognise this stuff as sub “duck quacks don’t echo” bullshit.

Whilst wiping my shitty arse I briefly fantasise about debunking all 600 “facts”, but of course, I can’t really be bothered. However, I can spend ooh maybe 20 minutes taking the stuff from the cover and testing the rubbishness using the mighty power of the internet.

MARILYN MONROE HAD ONLY SIX TOES ON HER LEFT FOOT

I know this one without Googling, the rumour relates to an early set of photographs in which her feet looked a bit odd, and Snopes calls false.

A GOLDFISH CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE LAST THREE SECONDS OF ITS LIFE

I’ve mostly heard this as 10 seconds, but maybe goldfish are getting stupider. Sounds like pants to me, as survival would get a bit tricky of you forget you were being chased whilst swimming away from a predator. Anyway, according to Wikipedia, “Research by the School of Psychology at the University of Plymouth in 2003 demonstrated that goldfish have a memory-span of at least three months and can distinguish between different shapes, colours and sounds.” Ha. That’s one in the eye for goldfish haters.

ADOLF HITLER HAD ONLY ONE BALL

Another I know without checking, this relates to an uncooborated Russian autopsy that was probably published for propaganda purposes. Am I right? Am I? Straight Dope is calling it bollocks. (Did you see what I did there? I used the word ‘bollocks’ to refute a story about testicles. Yay me.)

EVERY YEAR, MORE PEOPLE GET KILLED BY DONKEYS THAN PLANE CRASHES

Hmm. This is hardly comparing like with like. Snopes calls it as a urban myth, but best of all is the rabidly pro-donkey site Love Long Ears which passionately pleas, “Help us to dispel this awful rumour-mill factoid - it’s not true, it’s bunk, treat it as such. Please don’t let this statement stop you from getting a donkey or any other animal if you wish to own one!”

GEORGE WASHINGTON GREW MARIJUANA IN HIS BACKYARD

Possibly true, but it sounds like a misrepresentation of the facts. The hemp plant has been widely cultivated around the world for food and making rope. To call this crop marijuana is to emphasise the psychoactive properties of the plant. Wikiquote reports Washington as having said, “Make the most of the Indian hemp seed, and sow it everywhere!” but I find no reputable source that suggests George was a stoner.

Ok, that’s five facts from the back page. Four were complete horse-shit whilst one was written to deceive. That gives Bla Bla a score of 90% toss-monkey. Don’t buy the book, burn it.

Beer Beer Beer

robmanuel — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 11:06:57 +0000

Yes! With help from Joel Veitch and Daniele Davoli.

BTW: You can embed this vid on your site if you like.

It’s also got a few comments on B3ta.

Or download the MP3.

I also should say thanks to Simon from The Pineapple for allowing me to film and annoy his regulars on a quiet Wednesday afternoon, and props to Rob Wakefield for making some very useful suggestions and listening to me prattle on about different versions of this project for a few weeks. HUZZAH.

Hey Hey 16k & Other Videos

robmanuel — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:30:22 +0000

I’ve been fiddling about turning my old flash stuff into videos so I can upload nice clean copies to the video sharing sites. Why? Because people are uploading my work anyway, and making it look rubbish by not encoding it properly.

You can get the complete list here, well not exactly complete but enough to be getting on with anyway.

Feel free to embed, or whatever you kids do with your upload codes these days.

Sickipedia 2.0

robmanuel — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 11:24:37 +0000

At last! We (meaning me and Cr3) have relaunched Sickipedia.

What you need to know:

We’ve dumped the Wiki format as it made it too hard for users to find new jokes

Tagging, yep, this IS Sickipedia 2.0

Voting! You’ll be able to see the sickest jokes ever, as voted for by you, the international community of web-sickos.

Right, you’ll be wanting a link. Here you go: http://www.sickipedia.org/

The Adventures of Rob Manuel

robmanuel — Wed, 16 May 2007 09:12:49 +0000

Not quite sure what to make of this - Emvee, one of the B3ta boarders - has been spending his time making a series of cartoons based upon me.

I’m sort of flattered, and slightly alarmed that many of the biographical details are almost correct (I did work for Emap, I do visit The Pineapple etc.)

However, I am not a transvestite.

Mr Biffo compo

robmanuel — Fri, 04 May 2007 10:27:20 +0000

Word up cyberfruits, it’s compo time.

Mr Biffo, probably best known for writing the cult Digitiser pages on Teletext, has taken time out from his hectic schedule to write a book.

It’s basically a collection of chatroom transcripts where Biffo pretends to be a lady, and winds up men hungry for the sexing.

Clicky the book to read the reviews on Amazon.

And in the interests of self publicity he’s emailed B3ta and asked us to help him pimp it, and so, your challenge is this:

What would you like Mr Biffo to draw?

The most amusing five suggestions will be drawn by the fair - if not girly - hand of Biffo, inside his book and sent to YOU. Yes, to YOU, dear reader.

Add your suggestions to the comments below. Well, if you fancy getting a copy of the book that is. If not, then quietly go on your way.

WINNERS ANNOUNCED

The horrified face of Gordon Brown as he sits down at the big desk for his first day as PM, only to find a big poo in the PM’s private pencil case. (mrdirtylegs)

Pirates milking a giraffe. (Zo)

The Greatest Game Ever Played. (Digeridude)

A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold. (Kelly)

A brand new knife and wife thing. (doveston)

So thanks to everyone who made suggestions, and to Mr Biffo for being a good sport. Books will be winging their way to the winners shortly.

“I walked by my-self like a rain thing”

robmanuel — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 12:41:46 +0000

Just reading this list of 500 Most Commonly Used Words in the English Language and I thought I’d attempt to transpose a famous poem using only these words.

I walked by my-self like a rain thing
that flys on high over up-side-down mountain and mountain
When all at once I saw many people
A group, of gold plants;
Be-side the round ground water, under the trees
moving in the wind

Ok, that’s your starter for ten. Can YOU re-write a famous poem or song? Go on, give it a go and add it to the comments.