Had a lovely time today, our four year old son Angus stayed with a friend and we got to lie in for once – we picked him up for lunch time (daddy! I don’t want to go!) and dragged him off to Camden Square for a quick picnic where he and his chum raced on scooters and played hide and seek.
Falling out of the picnic bag are leaflets given to us by a friend yesterday, they’re promoting National Art Hate Week 2009 at the Tate Modern – there’s a fantastic line on the back, “If a child offers you a painting during National Art Week you are to turn away in disgust.” Mind bogglingly wrongheaded, but I recognise the name of one of the artists, Billy Childish. My friend Dave once told me he’s one of the Stuckists, basically the spotty unloved friends of Damien Hurst & Tracy Emin, the ones who didn’t make loads of cash from the patronage of Charles Saatchi. They’re all extremely bitter that they’re poor.
“Oh they’re the Luke Haines of Art then?”, my wife says referring to Haines’ completely brilliant biography, “Bad Vibes: Britpop and My Part in Its Downfall.” “Exactly”, I say, “He did something similar himself once, in 2001 there was his National Pop Strike.”
My wife wants to work this afternoon, so I decide to take the elder son off to The National History Museum. I claim, “He does alright for parties and running about parks but surely he needs stuff to fill his imagination?” The truth is more that I fancy looking at some dinosaur bones.
Son is a bit weirded out by the museum. Everything in it is dead. “Why are they all dead daddy?” And most guilt making of all, “Why isn’t the panda moving daddy? Is he dead?” On seeing a baby seal he’s almost in tears, “We miss him so much.” The whole place is like a dead zoo of taxidermy.
This being less than a complete success we go into the nice bit with – thankfully alive – butterflies and learn how to tell the difference between moths and butterflies. Generally speaking, when moths land on a leaf they’ll sit with their wings spread whilst butterflies will put their wings up. Fantastic fact and if you’re reading this blog post waiting for me to stop rambling and get onto the bit where I get mugged then, sod it, enough scene setting I’ll get on with it.
6 o clock, me and my son are about 2 minutes from the house in Kentish Town and a woman calls out from a car.
“I wouldn’t normally ask a stranger but my car is nearly on empty and I need £3 to get enough petrol to get home.”
Is she a scam? I weigh her up – she’s not asking for much money and she’s also attractive and is displaying a lot of skin. I figure sod it, give her the money, if she’s a crim then I’ve got a story I can blog and if she’s not, well I’ve got a story that not everyone is a bullshit con artist.
I look in my wallet, I’ve only got £10 so I give her that. I say, “This can be an experiment in giving money to strangers. But can I take your photo?”
She doesn’t flinch. I say “smile”. I can’t stop myself grinning foolishly, I’m so going to blog this if she doesn’t turn up.
clicky for biggy“Is coming round at 8:30 ok?” she asks and takes my business card which I’ve hastily scribbled my address on.
“Absolutely. I trust I’ll see you there.”
I get home and the first thing I do is tell my wife. “What do you think – does this photo look like a criminal?”
“She just looks normal”, my wife replies, “She’s sunburnt and yes, wearing that dress would be the best way to a pull a scam like this.”
“Worth £10 though”, I say, “Just to find out. She doesn’t look like someone who needs to be criminal to survive. I mean, she’d get a job in PR.”
“She could just be lazy”, my wife suggests, “Do this five times and you’ve got enough money to get pissed up or buy some coke. Maybe she’s been made redundant in the recession.”
I post on twitter and almost universally people think it’s a scam. There’s absolutely no way she’s turning up for 8:30
8:30 comes and I’m feeling nervous and excited. Part of me wants her to turn up to prove the twitterers wrong and part of me wants her not to turn up as this story will work so much better with the photo.
By 9 there’s no sign of her and I start writing this post and tell people I’ll post the photo if I hear nothing by 9:30. It’s now 9:39 and yes, I’ve been scammed.
I’m £10 down and I’m reminded that comedian Richard Herring recently blogged he was mugged for a £500 iphone whilst wearing a Hitler moustache and spent an alarming afternoon in the back of a police car looking for a black man whilst worrying that the police thought he was a right-wing nut case. He finished his post asking newspapers to buy his story for £10 more than he lost so that over-all he was in profit from theft.
I want to do the same thing, but at a lower scale because I’m only an internet micro celebrity and not a famous comedian. Therefore I want to raise £20 via PayPal. Give me your cash. My PayPal address is [deleted]. I promise not to spend the money on petrol, I can’t even drive.
* * *
Update: Thanks to @pretprieel for £5. You are a beautiful man and if I had breasts I’d let you take a photo of them. However – I’m still £15 off my total I require to make a profit on being scammed, so anyone for any more please? All donations, however small, gratefully received.
Update2: Thanks to Ben Gott who lives in Connecticut and writes, “Just read your post, linked from a friend on Facebook, and figured I’d throw you £5, too. This sort of stuff happens here all the time—especially at rest stops along the highway.” Huzzah! That makes me at 50% of my total. The internet WILL win this battle. (It’s really making me giggle, using this scam to basically panhandle. I’ll stop if I reach £20, I promise.)
Update 3: Ha ha – Alasdair MacLeod has given me £1.56. C’mon on internet. We can do it!
Update 4: Ah fuck it. I’m bored of asking for cash, it feels dirty. I’ve raised £11.56 which is probably slightly less than the £10 I lost once the PayPal fees are factored in. Anyway, I’ll use the money to pay for ingredients for a Spag Bog which I mentioned in a previous post and you lot were demanding my recipe.
Update 5: £1.57 from Cr3. Thanks Paul. But please stop sending me money, I’ve stopped begging now. TOTAL: £13.13
Is it wrong that I’m insanely glad she didn’t turn up so that you had a reason to post that photograph?
I’d want a picture of you in a dress displaying your cleavage before i handed over any cash.
I was going to leave you £10 by pay pal, but I locked my password inside. If you can lend me £40 I can get a locksmith to get my password out again, then I promise I’ll repay you the £40 with the £10 to recoup your earlier losses. It’s a win-win.
shiiiit! :(
She’s certainly dressed for a scam anyway, her seatbelt is in a happy place.
Perfect scam though – who has £3? Ask for an odd amount of cash and you’ll likely get at least a fiver.
i can see why you gave the cash Rob…. shame she’s wearing those boobies for just this occasion!
Short skirt, big tits – she knows her market! I’d have given her £10 too
Either way, I’d stick that pic in the proverbial “bank”.
I’d have thought that £3 would buy very little petrol, but am rather taken by her initiative, so much so I wish I had a car..
Oh, and useless fact – onceuponatime, Billy Childish and Tracy Enim used to be an item.
Had a similar thing happen a few years back – a car pulled over and asked us for a small amount of money for petrol. My mate, being ‘funny’ said “I’ve not got any cash, but I’ve got some crack in my sock!” (He didn’t have, naturally). The driver of the car suddenly looked VERY interested. “Go on mate, let us have some, pleeeeease! I’ve got my pipe with me and everyfink” at which we point he proceeded to show us his well-used crack pipe, and start pleading.
We ran off.
After a while, you realise she has eyes. And they look shifty. However, this is with the benefit of a photo, and several moments perusal. I feel your pain.
Perhaps she meant 8.30 in the morning, it’ll be a shock for you if she did. Either that or she was checking when you would be out so her mates could come rouand and rob you!
If she turns up again selling top of the range speakers for £50, please call the police.
Did you get the number plate? Might be interesting to get that indexed by Google to see if anyone else checks it out.
Aww, you fell for it, I would too if I wasn’t so tight with cash, still I guess she didn’t reckon with the power the ginger fuhrer and his internets
added to reddit http://www.reddit.com/r/crime/comments/90juc/if_you_live_in_north_london_dont_get_scammed_by/
Maybe she was also a bit weirded out by the fact you took her photo… to be fair, if it was genuine then that would seem like an odd request.
She could have thought ‘I turn up at this address, it turns out to be some wasteland and then Im dragged into a cellar, buggered, bludgeoned and binned by The iPhone Killer’
mebbes?
Mate, I have to admire your quick thinking on this one. also, i hope this goes super-viral, along with her pic. It’s funny, but could serve to scammers a simple fact…
Never scam a super-(micro)-internet celebrity.
Surely taking a photo of her car’s registration plates would have been a good idea, even if it had led to finding a stolen car.
I’ve done this sort of thing (given cash out, not griftted) a couple of times now… the problem is you so want to beleive in people’s good nature, which makes it doubley cruel to discover that this doesn’t exist a great deal of the time and that you’re gullible.
Nah, I’ve seen her, she used to hang around a garage in White City, giving a story about how she had to buy a petrol can because they wouldn’t let her fill up a coke bottle and her ar had runout of petrol etc. Tried it on me and I very sadly said I was sorry, but it did sound a bit like a scam and good luck. Went on my way feeling incredibly guilty, but then walked past again a week later and heard her spinning the same line to some bloke, and was able to gleefully interrupt and tell him it was load of cobblers. She just walked off, didn’t even bother swearing at me.
I know you weren’t, but look at the cold deadness of her eyes, and the firm set of her thin lips. A tenner says she’s been inside.
It appears shes driving a volkswagen yes?? theyre not exactly cheap, but those tits do warrant a little bit of cash.
She looks more baked than a potato. Definately addicted to sunbeds.
oh this one merits a site all of its own – name and shame the scammers. I’ve been approached twice by the same guy outside Canary Wharf tube – he asks for walking directions to hammersmith or some implausibly faraway destination and provides a story about being polish and needing to find polish people to help because his bag has been stolen and he’s got a wife and a kid and he hates england now.
Then again outside West India Quay DLR there was a guy with a long and involved story about being a returning soldier and needing 3 pounds for a bed just until the weekend when his benefits would start.
I think these stories could run and run.
That outfit screams scam to me, but that’s with the hindsight that she didn’t actually turn up with the dosh!
I’ve blogged about this, and tagged the photo ‘London Petrol Scammer’ should anyone wish to follow suit and expose this wicked harridan for the freeloader she undoubtedly is (Unless she turns up at 8.30am with the cash, in which case, Sorry, Mrs Boobs)
Similar thing happened to me recently – an attractive, plausible, well-spoken young woman stopped me in the car-park at Asda and asked for some money to get a coach back to her parents’ house in Derbyshire because she’d had her bag stolen.
I kind of knew it was a scam but gave her a tenner and my address. Never heard from her again.
I think what tipped me off was when she insisted, rather emphatically, that she ‘wasn’t a drug addict or anything…’
Oh Rob, you silly thing.
I’m going to do this. I have fairly decent knockers and reckon I could make anything up to a fiver a week.
I would
years ago when walking to the portobello markets I had a nice old women, dressed well, who gave me a convincing story for money that I fell for right up to the point where I got close enough to smell the stale alcohol. Living in Camden, I’ve heard it so much I just switch off when anyone asks for money. In Dalston one night a woman ran up to us out of the dark screaming she’d been stabbed, and could we give her money for an ambulance. I said, “It’s ok, we can call one now”. She stopped and stared at us, then ran across the street and onto a bus where we could still hear her repeating her demands to the passenger as it pulled away.
I’ve had a similar thing happen, try offering them petrol, tell them you have a jerry can at home, if she’s genuine she’ll accept otherwise she’ll come upwith excuses as to why the money is better. Did you check the fuel gauge?
Brilliant, why hadn’t I thought of this?
: “Hello Mrs Rhye, I have a picture of a semi nude blonde, for an experiment. Yes… experiment, that’s it. For teh interwebs”
: “Get out of my house Rhye you damn letch, coming here with booby pics and talking your shite about experiments.”
My best mate has kissed Billy Childish and I’ve exhibited with Tracey Emin.
When I say ‘with’ I mean in the same show. Never met her, although I went to school in Margate (where she comes from).
A tenner is a small price for an interesting story.
Maybe she got held up and couldn’t return your money.
Sounds like you are trying to scam us for £20
I wish I was a seatbelt :)
I was stopped outside Paddington station one evening by some rough-looking guy after some money.
“Scuse us mate – I’m trying to get to Weymouth an’ I’m three quid short for me ticket. Could you help us out?”
Now, I’m *from* Weymouth…
“Number one: You’re outside the wrong station, pal. You want Waterloo. Number two: When you get there, take the train to Dorchester South and hitch – it’s onlt six miles and you’re bound to get a ride. You’d better get a crack on, though – the last train goes at nine-thirty.”
He told me to fuck off. I dunno, you offer a bit of helpful advice to some people…
So let me get this straight, not only did you give a strange, underdressed woman £10 but you also gave her details about your place of work, your job and to make matters worse, your home address…
Looking at the way she’s dressed, I’d have to ask (not for any racist reasons but there are thousands of them near where I live so I can spot them a mile off) if she had an Irish accent? if so, your £10, and the people who are planning to burgle your house, are all sat in an illegal caravan park nearby.
I know where to find her, I think…. she works at Radio 1 or at least the bbc. Name’s Edith Bowman. Scottish burd. Didn’t know she’d had her puppies done though. If she’s spent the 3 quids on them then it’s better that bbc expenses innit?
Maybe she ran out of petrol on the way to your house and everybody she ran into had seen her being exposed as a con artist on teh webs, she’ll probably hang herself now, such a waste of nice boobs!
It could have turned out the right way…
My mum once had a very rough looking guy ask her to borrow a tenner to pay for the petrol he’d put in his battered Land Rover at a petrol station, as he’d left his wallet at home. Being the kind-hearted type, she said yes, and gave him her address.
Turned out he’s a rich but eccentric farmer who lives nearby, and my mum received a hamper from Harvey Nicks or somesuch a few weeks later along with the original £10.
Moral of the story? Only give money to crazy old men driving agricultural vehicles. Legs and breasts are right out.
Man she’s a hot MILF.
Patsy’s tits didn’t look that big in Lethal Weapon 2, must be a boob job and needs the extra for those crow’s feet.
Of course now armed with your business card & home address if she’s a decent scammer she’ll take you for a few thousand more ;-)
Just to keep in line with the b3ta mentality… £10 must have been worth a “feel” though?
I’m also thinking giving your address to a potential scammer is a bad idea.
I used to live in Ealing and all I ever got was the “Do you want some shit hot speakers for your flat, only £50 mate” scam about three times a week.
My mate got scammed in Camden by guys know as “The Twins” One was sorting the deal when the other ran round the corner and shouted “Police” they grabbed his money and threw a large cling film wrap full of what turned out to be bark shavings. Burned!
isn’t that edith bowman?
You should’ve had a look at the petrol gauge to see if she was telling the truth!
A friend of mine once got done out of £20 in the same scam, so don’t feel too bad.
Kentish Tahn? Oh bloody hell, we’re neighbours. Nice to meet you. And not in a weird, internet stalking way.
This woman is a nightmare. Hubster has run into her. Ever so *slightly* concerned she has your address. Nothing too much to worry about though, just get the nines going if she bothers you again. Lines up with the mentals.
I’m in Pro-Percussion all the time. And B&M. Not the Co-op though. Too many chavs /Arf. Gimme a wave if you see me. And geek five for B3ta. Love your work :)
good idea with checking the fuel gauge!
I once got ripped off to the tune of a fiver by a pretty woman saying she’d lost her purse and needed to go pick her son up from school. I gave her the money and 20 seconds later it dawned on me that not only was it the summer holidays, and Sunday. It was about 8 o’clock at night.
She hypnotised me with her funbags
Robbing slag. Hope her arms fall off.
Ha! Scum! Actually, Kentish Toon is very near me so i’ll post it on facebook and see if anyone knows her… :)
She looks like Paul Daniels.
Tony Hawks stopped a similar attempt. He was at home when someone knocked the door asking for a fiver for fuel. He offered her the fuel that was in his shed, in a can for the lawnmower. They swore at him and left if I remember correctly.