Had a lovely time today, our four year old son Angus stayed with a friend and we got to lie in for once – we picked him up for lunch time (daddy! I don’t want to go!) and dragged him off to Camden Square for a quick picnic where he and his chum raced on scooters and played hide and seek.
Falling out of the picnic bag are leaflets given to us by a friend yesterday, they’re promoting National Art Hate Week 2009 at the Tate Modern – there’s a fantastic line on the back, “If a child offers you a painting during National Art Week you are to turn away in disgust.” Mind bogglingly wrongheaded, but I recognise the name of one of the artists, Billy Childish. My friend Dave once told me he’s one of the Stuckists, basically the spotty unloved friends of Damien Hurst & Tracy Emin, the ones who didn’t make loads of cash from the patronage of Charles Saatchi. They’re all extremely bitter that they’re poor.
“Oh they’re the Luke Haines of Art then?”, my wife says referring to Haines’ completely brilliant biography, “Bad Vibes: Britpop and My Part in Its Downfall.” “Exactly”, I say, “He did something similar himself once, in 2001 there was his National Pop Strike.”
My wife wants to work this afternoon, so I decide to take the elder son off to The National History Museum. I claim, “He does alright for parties and running about parks but surely he needs stuff to fill his imagination?” The truth is more that I fancy looking at some dinosaur bones.
Son is a bit weirded out by the museum. Everything in it is dead. “Why are they all dead daddy?” And most guilt making of all, “Why isn’t the panda moving daddy? Is he dead?” On seeing a baby seal he’s almost in tears, “We miss him so much.” The whole place is like a dead zoo of taxidermy.
This being less than a complete success we go into the nice bit with – thankfully alive – butterflies and learn how to tell the difference between moths and butterflies. Generally speaking, when moths land on a leaf they’ll sit with their wings spread whilst butterflies will put their wings up. Fantastic fact and if you’re reading this blog post waiting for me to stop rambling and get onto the bit where I get mugged then, sod it, enough scene setting I’ll get on with it.
6 o clock, me and my son are about 2 minutes from the house in Kentish Town and a woman calls out from a car.
“I wouldn’t normally ask a stranger but my car is nearly on empty and I need £3 to get enough petrol to get home.”
Is she a scam? I weigh her up – she’s not asking for much money and she’s also attractive and is displaying a lot of skin. I figure sod it, give her the money, if she’s a crim then I’ve got a story I can blog and if she’s not, well I’ve got a story that not everyone is a bullshit con artist.
I look in my wallet, I’ve only got £10 so I give her that. I say, “This can be an experiment in giving money to strangers. But can I take your photo?”
She doesn’t flinch. I say “smile”. I can’t stop myself grinning foolishly, I’m so going to blog this if she doesn’t turn up.
clicky for biggy“Is coming round at 8:30 ok?” she asks and takes my business card which I’ve hastily scribbled my address on.
“Absolutely. I trust I’ll see you there.”
I get home and the first thing I do is tell my wife. “What do you think – does this photo look like a criminal?”
“She just looks normal”, my wife replies, “She’s sunburnt and yes, wearing that dress would be the best way to a pull a scam like this.”
“Worth £10 though”, I say, “Just to find out. She doesn’t look like someone who needs to be criminal to survive. I mean, she’d get a job in PR.”
“She could just be lazy”, my wife suggests, “Do this five times and you’ve got enough money to get pissed up or buy some coke. Maybe she’s been made redundant in the recession.”
I post on twitter and almost universally people think it’s a scam. There’s absolutely no way she’s turning up for 8:30
8:30 comes and I’m feeling nervous and excited. Part of me wants her to turn up to prove the twitterers wrong and part of me wants her not to turn up as this story will work so much better with the photo.
By 9 there’s no sign of her and I start writing this post and tell people I’ll post the photo if I hear nothing by 9:30. It’s now 9:39 and yes, I’ve been scammed.
I’m £10 down and I’m reminded that comedian Richard Herring recently blogged he was mugged for a £500 iphone whilst wearing a Hitler moustache and spent an alarming afternoon in the back of a police car looking for a black man whilst worrying that the police thought he was a right-wing nut case. He finished his post asking newspapers to buy his story for £10 more than he lost so that over-all he was in profit from theft.
I want to do the same thing, but at a lower scale because I’m only an internet micro celebrity and not a famous comedian. Therefore I want to raise £20 via PayPal. Give me your cash. My PayPal address is [deleted]. I promise not to spend the money on petrol, I can’t even drive.
* * *
Update: Thanks to @pretprieel for £5. You are a beautiful man and if I had breasts I’d let you take a photo of them. However – I’m still £15 off my total I require to make a profit on being scammed, so anyone for any more please? All donations, however small, gratefully received.
Update2: Thanks to Ben Gott who lives in Connecticut and writes, “Just read your post, linked from a friend on Facebook, and figured I’d throw you £5, too. This sort of stuff happens here all the time—especially at rest stops along the highway.” Huzzah! That makes me at 50% of my total. The internet WILL win this battle. (It’s really making me giggle, using this scam to basically panhandle. I’ll stop if I reach £20, I promise.)
Update 3: Ha ha – Alasdair MacLeod has given me £1.56. C’mon on internet. We can do it!
Update 4: Ah fuck it. I’m bored of asking for cash, it feels dirty. I’ve raised £11.56 which is probably slightly less than the £10 I lost once the PayPal fees are factored in. Anyway, I’ll use the money to pay for ingredients for a Spag Bog which I mentioned in a previous post and you lot were demanding my recipe.
Update 5: £1.57 from Cr3. Thanks Paul. But please stop sending me money, I’ve stopped begging now. TOTAL: £13.13
I can’t believe people are falling for the old “fell for a scam” scam. I’m going to send Rob a fiver. And then set up my own “fell for a scam” scam scam. Pyramid scamming is the way forward!
Well I see this 3 ways:
1. You got a good story and a picture for teh interwebs.
2. I don’t think it reflects badly on you for being nice and blinded by boobies.
3. But asking for money for it makes you a DURTY WHORE!!! SUCK MY PAYPAL YOU DURTY WHORE!!!11!
People who’ve suggested about taking a photo of the number plate – if she’s scamming, it’s not totally beyond the realms of possibility that she’d be on bent number plates, surely?
For $10 I’d have expected a bit of a feel at least.
That dress doesnt leave much to the imagination, I think your common sense glad was shortcircuited by a louder message from your ‘nads…
Crivens, she can fob me off anyday. *pop*
She evidently needs the money so she can buy clothes that actually fit her.
It’s times like these I’m glad I look like a 14 year old emo kid, despite being 26. Nobody has tried to scam me yet.
I cannot be the first person to have pointed this out, but your beneficiary has got cracking tits – I’d give her £10 just to get her to jiggle them a bit.
Somebody do a porn fake, that’ll teach her.
This very same woman, or someone who looks very similar, tried the same thing with me in Little Venice last week: wanted, very specifically, £13 for petrol. Said she played Lacrosse or hockey or something at Queens Park, but she didn’t know London very well. Been scammed before, so didn’t lose any money.
Theres a guy who has approached me about 10 times now in Bethnal Green…
He has a massive gash in his arm (I’ve heard two storied about this, a-It’s theatrical make-up, b-he’s that desperate for crack he actually opens up an old wound…)
Basically he claims to have fallen off his bike and needs a few quid to get to Homerton Hospital on the bus or in a cab. The closest hospital to Bethnal Green Road is in white chapel, a 10 minute walk. Pull the other one matey.
You should have given her £5 extra for spot cream.
…. By the way, she drinks in The Pineapple… I saw her a few days ago.
I’ve been scammed a few times like this and to be honest I don’t really care. It’s better I guess to be ripped off four times for a tenner over the years I reckon, and to strike gold with giving to someone who is genuine on the fifth time :)
Glad that I could help, if only with £5 (or about US$8, the price of a super grande Starbucks mocha latte espresso creama with extra soy shots). As I mentioned in my short e-mail, there’s a rest stop on I95 (the interstate that runs from Maine to Florida) that is constantly frequented by scammers of all shapes and sizes. I’ve often thought that some bloke from our local city paper should stake out that rest stop all week and do a story on these ubiquitous creeps.
Aside from running my own record label, I’m also an English teacher; I used your example in class today to help my students understand that, sometimes, we do things just so we can write about them.
-Ben
Is it just the photo, or does she have a helluva case of five o’clock shadow?
Patsy Kensit fallen on hard times????????
It looks an awful lot like her.
Snob mode:- “Nice people” who you’d trust to pay you back don’t fill up their car with precisely 3 quid in petrol. They stick 20 in, or fill it right up for 60 and drive around for a few hundred miles. And they don’t get caught on the vapours where you’re actually going to stop moving. Was the engine running?
My question would be “haven’t you got any mates?” and check the microexpression. People who haven’t anyone to call will wince for a split second before gaining their composure. Scammers will take the same amount of time to start looking sad. I promise I haven’t been watching “The Mentalist” (chortle) but I understand its based on this kind of crap.
Are you sure it wasn’t the blonde one of The Real Hustle having a pre-series practice?
@Adam – while shooting Houseparty of the Dead III (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr-8yOcVPuA) on Punderson’s Gardens just off Bethnal Green Road, a bunch of zombies went to the corner shop to get some more beers and ran into the very man you describe. He didn’t try and hit us up for money, but the injury on his arm was definitely not stage make-up, believe me, and quite turned my stomach. He basically chased us out of there, despite the fact we were all dripping blood from facial wounds. At the time I shuddered to think that he must have to re-open it every so often (he has a number of scars on that arm) and I’m shuddering to recall it now. And that’s from someone who delights in creating gory zombie make-up.
Rob, I’ll keep an eye out for your lady when I’m in the hood :)
@Adam
I’ve also seen the bloke you mention on Hackney Road by Minerva St a few years back. Left lower arm iirc and it wasn’t fake, every time he moved his fingers you could see the muscles twitching. Was quite a disturbing sight at 2am after a night in the Durham. Even more disturbing that he does it deliberately.
I used to live in Tufnell Park about 8 years ago – close to Kentish Town – and I remember this woman well. She used this scam so many times I ended up having a huge go at her in the street because basically I am a very distinctive looking person and she’d tried it on with me about 3 times in 2 weeks – always after a few quid to fill her car up which had broken down up the road, never slow to resort to showing a bit of flesh or crying. Recognised her immediately from the pic!
We should be able to find her using the power of 6 degrees and all that – everyone should just forward this link on to someone they know who lives in London or even better near Kentish Town and we’re bound to be able to identify her in no time.
There’s a pretty red head who scams people near East Croydon Station – I gave her a couple of quid once only to see her a few minutes later asking someone else for money and then giving it to a rough looking dude round the corner.
It’s a shame as tossers like this that make it difficult for honest people who really find themselves in trouble.
Yes, this woman guilt-tripped my mum once, and then two days later I was able to catch her trying it with someone else, and I got revenge in the form of a very public dressing-down. Don’t remember the boobs though, must have been winter when she struck.
Perhaps it would have been better to take a photo of the car registration plate, or ask for her address? She knows where you live…
Excellent seat belt tits. Definitely worth £10 just for a picture of them.
I thought it was Lucy Davis at first… y’know Dawn from The Office. Here’s her photo: http://bit.ly/2zP648
Somebody tried a similar scam on me twice in the space of a few weeks in the Old Trafford/Salford uays part of Manchester about five years ago. He got quite arsey the second time when I said “not again” and suggested he really should be a bit more careful with these things
There’s also a ‘Canadian’ bloke who has been running a similar scam on Manchester’s public transport system for years and years (usually on a Number 42 bus), some bollocks about being stranded without his luggage.
I would have asked to look at her fuel gauge (fnar fnar)
If that image isn’t the basis of this weeks B3ta image challenge, I’ll be sorely disappointed.