Recently been reading Philip Norman’s “John Lennon: The Life” a fantastic autobiography that makes Lennon really come alive, especially in its depictions of his childhood, but the reference that really caught my attention was that John named his 14 month booze bender The Lost Weekend after the 1945 film of the same name.
I like addiction stories so I sought the movie out and I couldn’t help but notice the amount of places that the hero stashes drink, so in the spirit of helping any alcoholics who are still simply leaving their drinks on open display here’s how to hide your booze – a guide according to The Lost Weekend:
Underneath apples, implying you’re just shopping for healthy groceries.
On a rope hung from your apartment window.
Inside the hoover. This made me laugh out loud.
On top of the light fitting.
Or even in a special booze-hole behind the bath.
Coincidentally I was recently chatting with my chum Joel Veitch on a similar theme and he says it’s common for alcoholics to use water bottles filled with vodka so they can swig away in the office. So if you’re an alcoholic who likes to stash booze, like squirrels hiding nuts for winter, then please share your secrets here, I’m all ears.
I’m intrigued to read about the water bottle filled with vodka. I have a secret bottle of Sambuka hidden on the top of kitchen cupboards away from prying wife, kid and in-laws. Not being an out and out alcoholic i use this stash to get a “quick hit” when i’ve run out of my beer, vodka and rum stashes that are on obvious display.
quite clearly i have now given my hideyhole out for my wife, kid and in-laws to stumble across when they next google my name – shite
We had a chap at work who used to bury his booze halfway between the two sites where we operated.
He’d say “I’m just off to the other site”, stop in the lay-by, dig up his vodka and never arrive at his destination. We had to send out search parties.
My Mom’s friend used to stash hers inside the teapot, to maintain the illusion of having given up the booze. She died of liver failure, unsurprisingly.
I used to hide all my alcohol in my stomach. I once unfortunately deposited all of it at the Victoria line platform at Victoria Tube station. Was mortified, got back on another train, came back home with my trousers round my ankles. I’m a girl by the way. It’s amazing what having a crazy stressful job does to a girl when you’re 22.
Yes, my father perfected the gin-in-a-bottle-of-pop routine.
His favourite restaurant once even presented him with a case of ginger ale on his birthday, thinking he loved it so.
In fact, he was wantonly boozing on their premises, corkage-free.
I’m sure I read somewhere that Keith Chegwin used to stash booze in the frame of his mountain bike. Or did I dream it?
I heard once that someone in head office seemed really healthy, cos he was constantly eating oranges. Except he didn’t look particularly healthy – possibly because every morning he was injecting oranges with vodka. Could be an urban myth I suppose…
I do the “put red wine into grape Gatorade bottle” method when going out into public. Gimlets in a ginger ale bottle is a nice one too. I tried hollowing out a bible once too to store a flask. It was for novelty purposes.
Mrs Dog and I used to top up with cocktails at The Hampshire in Leicester Sq, then, before indulging in celluloid fantasy, pop over to the dodgy kiosk on the other side of the Square to exchange our sixpences for a pocketful of vodka miniatures. Inside the cinema, we’d get a giant Coke and giggle our way through the film.
We were seriously f*cking stupid when living in London – but we’re all growed up now and don’t do that sort of thing any more. Oh no.
While at the uni, it was allowed to get your cup of coffee in the amphitheaters. I’d drink the coffee quick, then refill with vodka. Then listen blissfully while slowly sipping vodka.
At cafes and pubs: vodka in my backpack, soda or beer on table.
At the office: rum in my desk’s top drawer. Mix with coffee, blissfully listen to coworkers while slowly sipping rum coffee all day long.
Then moved to working at home and making more money, all that hiding lost its appeal. But I still hide some small bottle of vodka in my wife’s purse at the movies.
I do the water bottle filled with vodka somedays to get through work, my missus has found all my home based hidey holes (bless ‘er cotton socks). In fact she’s a near professional now with a nose for vodka like a bloodhound. Damnit!
At school the girls hid vodka bottles in knee-length socks beneath flared trousers. On school trips I employed the traditional pillowcase full of booze on a rope out of the window. I also used to stash booze in municipal flower beds and bushes around Walsall to avoid taking it home…some of it is probably still there.
These days a can of beer in my pocket going into the cinema is about my limit…just remember to cough loudly to cover the sound of it opening…
Well,
my wife really surprised me tonight. She used to get upset when I wanted to take a look at our kids old soft toys in the childrens bedroom cupboard. Well, out popped a 1/2 bottle of vodka tonight from under teddy in the cupboard, after a tip off from my six year old that there was something funny going on with Mum and that cupboard.
Well, interesting times lie ahead. Explains why she keeps falling over at night, and had me convinced she was exhausted from minding the kids.