B3tan Andrew Sheerin, once known for running early web favourite hairytongue.com, has in recent years turned to producing board games to earn a living.
Our theory is that he was traumatised as an adolescent and wants to retreat to the nostalgia of his 1970s childhood where Monopoly and Buckeroo were king and there was none of this frightening internet business.
First he brought us the War on Terror game, which he managed to manipulate into the papers via a cunning ruse of getting it seized by the rozzers. Really, Andy is like Hasbro run by Malcolm McLaren.
Look! That’s Andy on the left. He’s the singer. The other two play both play drums. That’s two drummers, like the Glitter band.
So Andy got in touch a few weeks back and asks us if we’ll tell people about his new card game in the B3ta newsletter. Out of the sheer goodness of our hearts we’ve complied.
Look carefully, this is actually sitting on this album and it’s not even out yet.
And it’s not just an empty box – there’s stuff in it
COMPO TIME
So, go on, we want YOU to write an amusing answer to “Why did the chicken cross the road?” in 20 words or less and the funniest 10 answers (according to The Magic Donkey) will win PRIZES.
Stick your tiebreaker replies in the box below saying “leave a reply”. Closing date? 8pm, 23rd April 2009.
If the chicken is “crossing” the road, then it exists on either side of the road at the same time. It is only when it arrives at the other side, or is scraped off the front of a truck can we determine whether it has crossed, and to which side.
Because she couldn’t fit through the badger tunnels like she could as a kid.
To avoid the Big Issue seller
Because the road was disrespectful to it’s mother.
Because I, the god of all things avian, demand it.
One word … McNuggets.
To avoid the chicken shagger
Because he’d been on /talk and lost the will to live.
..because Hugh Fearnly Whittingstall, fought and died* for it’s right to roam.
*wishful thinking?
To try and avoid the Google Maps Street View car as he had just exited what is obviously a brothel with a post coital semi-on and jizz on his chicken pants.
coz he was a cunt.
Nyet! In Soviet Russia, the road crosses the chicken!
Because it’s stupid!
Because he was being bombed by the Russians..
oh wait, thats the Chechens.
Right-wing American answer : 9/11
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Because they were siblings, and Road was always getting his way.
It was nailed to Sir Fred Goodwin.
It had the chicken runs and didn’t want to fowl the pavement…
I LIKE TURTLES!
Because they couldn’t agree.
Cross the road? He didn’t DARE cross the road. NO-ONE crosses the road. Not after the last time…
Because he Damn well felt like it.
Because he was stapled to a punk.
To fuck the pigeon.
cause its cock was stuck up your arse!
I reserve the right to comment on the matter until the Independent Poultry Crossings Commission has published its findings; the chicken has been cooped until this time.
it’s not a fucking chicken – it’s my baby!
Because he didn’t want to cross the cycle-path
Not that she was racist, but the two black chickens walking towards her on this side of the road looked kind of shifty.
Pulliatric paradromotropism.
Because every now and then she got pissed off with eggs and fancied a coffee
To ascribe motive to a crerature as simple minded as a chicken would be against all reason. In truth, the fowl would have no awareness of the road and would merely be acting on instinct.
it was stuck on my cock
Road was a powerful man, into drugs, ran a large part of Chicago. it didn’t take much to cross him.
In Soviet Russia, road crosses chicken!
To avoid being tarred and feathered by the Ku Kluck Klan. Again.
BWUARK!
To ask the Hedgehog to be it’s flatmate.
To go to the Gents where all the cocks hang out
Fuck off you nosey scuttler or i’ll shit in your bellend.
Because God is a lie and you are alone in a cold, uncaring universe.
To purchase a portfolio of sub-prime loans which the chicken intended to sell on to a third party at a profit.
Well, they’re both headless anyway.
Because the policeman was battering his fucking legs with a truncheon!
Because it’s late and I’m drunk.
Apparently.
To get to the other side.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
She crossed the road, because she thought the road was a wimp and wouldn’t retaliate.
Because he was stuck to the chewing gum.
Cause he thought it was Jesus, and was always mistaking nouns for verbs!
The chicken crossed the road due to natural selection favouring those chickens who crossed the road, as they were deemed worthy of humour rather than consumption, and went on to live healthy fulfilling eggsistences on the other side of the road where they found like minded cocks and chicks who coop-erated with each other in a polygamous, unshellfish society where each chicken respected and promoted the rights of each other. They would happily tell yolks together, and, in private moments, enjoy the perusal of Hentai. A popular website within the community is named beakta, where the chickens spend most of their time looking at humourous pictures and calling each other clucktards.
Amongst many celebirty chickens in this avian commune (alledgedly near Kiev) are the great Chicken philosopher Ariswattle, and the politician Margaret Hatcher.
Interestingly, they were joined in this utopian existence by the hedgehog’s flat mate, the dead baby who was stapled to one of their number, and the dinosaur who started it all off by crossing the aforementioned road prior to the invention of chickens.
To choke himself on your mother’s chest potatoes