Win 10 copies of Crunch: The Card Game
B3tan Andrew Sheerin, once known for running early web favourite hairytongue.com, has in recent years turned to producing board games to earn a living.
Our theory is that he was traumatised as an adolescent and wants to retreat to the nostalgia of his 1970s childhood where Monopoly and Buckeroo were king and there was none of this frightening internet business.
First he brought us the War on Terror game, which he managed to manipulate into the papers via a cunning ruse of getting it seized by the rozzers. Really, Andy is like Hasbro run by Malcolm McLaren.
Look! That’s Andy on the left. He’s the singer. The other two play both play drums. That’s two drummers, like the Glitter band.
So Andy got in touch a few weeks back and asks us if we’ll tell people about his new card game in the B3ta newsletter. Out of the sheer goodness of our hearts we’ve complied.
Look carefully, this is actually sitting on this album and it’s not even out yet.
And it’s not just an empty box – there’s stuff in it
COMPO TIME
So, go on, we want YOU to write an amusing answer to “Why did the chicken cross the road?” in 20 words or less and the funniest 10 answers (according to The Magic Donkey) will win PRIZES.
Stick your tiebreaker replies in the box below saying “leave a reply”. Closing date? 8pm, 23rd April 2009.
Communist answer: Ascribing motives to poultry is a bourgeois act of intellectual elitism.
He was caught in a controversial police “kettling” manoeuvre to control crowds and was forced across against his will.
It was anthropomorphised by a group of local school children and dressed as a crossing guard.
The police claim it was already over there without its head before they even arrived on the scene.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Because it was fooled by the crudely drawn cock on the other side.
because he was on the verge of depression
1) To avoid the internet meme.
2) To get to the dole office.
3) Because the badger had already ticked it (the road)
4) Because the voices in his head told him to
5) Becuase the greenman said he could.
6) To avoid the “Police medic with a baton”
7) Because the government gave him the bail out money he needed to continue crossing the road
8) Because there’s no ban on chicken hunting (lucky foxes)
Because he accidentally the other side?
(Yes, jewish ancestry here: always answer a question with a question).
Because it was a free range.
Because it was drunk and spoiling for a fight.
He saw a black man in a KFC uniform and suspected he might be walking into a racist joke.
The Fish!
Because rob has ginger pubes and decided to rub them on the chicken’s face. The chicken tried to escape but rob pursued with his ginger ballsack in a vice-like sweaty grip. As the chicken turned to see rob gaining (and developing a raging semi), it decided that the busy traffic would either prevent rob from following or provide sweet relief from this public nightmare.
Thus, the chicken crossed the road safely, leaving rob on the other side adopting his point break-esque reaction of screaming to the sky ripping tufts of his own pubic hair out.
Eventually he calmed down, picked up his pubes and, placing them carefully in his cheeks for storage, returned the way he came in search for the next chicken. But chicken’s don’t commonly roam the streets, he thought to himself. Best try door to door…
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
*fade to black*
Because it was a cunt.
wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank, sorry I’ve forgotten the question.
because she fancied the dyke on the other side
because the bank on the other side was more interesting than the hedging on this side
to avoid yet another candlelight tribute to jade fuckin goody
Because it had neither the mental facilities or required opposable digits to rhombus the road
Not the issue; why was he not in a little cage laying eggs and eating his own faeces?
Because the road spilt his pint.
“The road knew the risks it was taking in dealing with a chicken, and should know better than to claim it was ‘crossed’ after the chicken ran off with it’s money”
Fuck, too many words.
“Who knows why birds do anything? God I’m so Essex sometimes.”
“He was too scared to stay on that side.”
Get it? Ha! He was scared because he’s chicken!
Hells, my favourite joke is about a tractor! You really can’t expect much…
To get away from Jamie Oliver
Because it was a Catholic and mistook the road for its own chest.
Because I had cut off it’s legs and stapled it to a remote control car as a present for my nephew.
“The chicken crossed the road because he’s in a paradox”
“The chicken crossed the road because he’s in a paradox”
Because it was stuck on the pervert’s nob.
Because he was getting raped.
FACT.
A long time ago, the meanest town in the Wild West was Deadbeat Creek. And the meanest baddest rustler in Deadbeat was know only as “The Road”. He was the kind of man you emigrate to avoid, and many had. Every day he could be found in the saloon bars, cheating at poker, starting fights, and mouthing off.
I spilt his pint.
That’s how the chicken crossed “The Road”. Why? Dyspraxia or clumsiness I suppose.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because there were Russians bombing his house……..sorry thought you were asking about the Chechen.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Tell us now or we keep pouring the water on your face.
Because it didn’t get anywhere trying to cross the Möbius strip.
He didn’t mean to cross the road, but the road has such a temper these days… Or somesuch pun I can’t be bothered to construct. Do I win?
For cock.
Seemples.
To shit on Who Fernley Whittering
Because it wanted to buy some cigarettes after fucking all of it’s little chicken babies.
Because she wanted to claim for second-coop allowances.
…To get to the public toilets, where all the big cocks hang out.
I don’t give fuck why it crossed the road. Just give me a copy of the game, ok?!
he was showing off to his disabled friend
We’ll be asking the questions, citizen. Whether chickens cross the road, or not, is a matter for the state.
To take out the rubbish coz their bin’s laden.
It was being toad.
because he wanted to get to the hen night.
Because it was stapled to a hedgehog
Give me a breadknife and 5 minutes alone with the chicken and I’ll find out.
Fuck off!
to beat up Ian Tomlinson
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because life’s like that