Mr Biffo compo
Word up cyberfruits, it’s compo time.
Mr Biffo, probably best known for writing the cult Digitiser pages on Teletext, has taken time out from his hectic schedule to write a book.
It’s basically a collection of chatroom transcripts where Biffo pretends to be a lady, and winds up men hungry for the sexing.
Clicky the book to read the reviews on Amazon.
And in the interests of self publicity he’s emailed B3ta and asked us to help him pimp it, and so, your challenge is this:
What would you like Mr Biffo to draw?
The most amusing five suggestions will be drawn by the fair – if not girly – hand of Biffo, inside his book and sent to YOU. Yes, to YOU, dear reader.
Add your suggestions to the comments below. Well, if you fancy getting a copy of the book that is. If not, then quietly go on your way.
WINNERS ANNOUNCED
The horrified face of Gordon Brown as he sits down at the big desk for his first day as PM, only to find a big poo in the PM’s private pencil case. (mrdirtylegs)
Pirates milking a giraffe. (Zo)
The Greatest Game Ever Played. (Digeridude)
A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold. (Kelly)
A brand new knife and wife thing. (doveston)
So thanks to everyone who made suggestions, and to Mr Biffo for being a good sport. Books will be winging their way to the winners shortly.
a whale with a foreskin instead of a mouth
Nazis making apple struddel out of Jews.
A giant and a midget, both fondling children that are the opposite sizes to the men themselves. So the midget will be fondling a giant child (Peter Andre and Jordans baby preferably) and the giant will be fondling a tiny speck of a child. Make both the children look like they have cerebal palsy.
In the background, Aphex Twin and Squarepusher should be holding hands and frollocking through a meadow of rape seed, with a speech bubble over there heads saying “Lawks and rollocking!”
They will both be saying lawks and rollocking, so make sure the speech bubble comes from them both.
And a plane in the sky, but make the plane green!
Fern Britton looking decidedly nervous at a Weight Watchers meeting.
I’d like to see a picture of THE WORLD’S TALLEST MAN, but drawn to make him look REALLY SMALL!!!! (Smaller than A LEAF!!!!) HA HA! Imagine that!
I’m going to go and try to draw that now myself. I want to see what it looks like (FUNNY, I BET). HA HA!
How about Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street endorsing fortnightly bin collections and Snuffleupagus offering to eat it all instead?
Kylie. Naked. Using only ASCII characters.
Evil Edna from off of Will O’ The Wisp taking an overdose
A pictoral representation of Teletext being killed off by teh web.
Ohhhh the symbolism
nuclear powered squirrel poop
all the germans.
a small rodent doing a shit on a megabus to plymouth draw that!!
Chewbacca… shaved.. superglueing all his hair onto R2-D2 whilst an Ewok watches.. and jerks off
A pelican with a Reversible Sedgewick in his peli-pouch. His face tells us he is As Pleased As Punch.
or
Anthony Hopkins emerging from his chrysalis.
Large quantities of unimployment, seeking revenge for something or other.
Fourteen evil nuns attacking a seemingly unarmed ninja tortoise. They beat the tortoise relentlessly on the shield with their elongated cunty flaps. The tortoise doesn’t seem to mind this at all, and is continuing his game of patience.
I want him to draw the Teletext management cowering from the real world.
(Or a big cock)
Myra Hindley and Moira Stuart fighting viciously, michael fish watches gleefully.
Himself, wanking in front of a mirror.
I would like Mr Biffo the scourge of my teenage years to draw;
Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing a big fat bus stop COCK
DRAW ME LOVE
And another filthy tranny, on the inside of the book
The cast of last of the summer wine, landing on the moon, only to find that Bob Todd has set fire to all the sunbeds.
How about Mira Hindley wearing a blue peter badge?
or
Barbra Windsor felating Michael Parkinson whilst swigging turps on a back street in Manchester.
Draw your slowly sapping faith in mankind as no-one buys your book and your hopes of fame, fortune and Charlie Brookerdom slowly ebb away. (Hee hee – hope it sells :))
a person with taste-buds in their anus
draw a worm pondering whether it is better to be the giver or the reciever in a modern homosexual relationship
A surfing phallus.
A guide to giving good head.
A giant platypus (probably with laser eyes) destroying a London suburb.
Two tarts in the arctic
Margaret Thatcher, receiving cunilingus from a randy, teenage pidgeon atop an mid-priced motorhome, somewhere in a feild in Tipton.
THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED!
A fox wearing a boob tube and a kilt dancing to the song agadoo, being played by a band of travenling gypsy peanuts, each one of them with some form of disfigurment. On a stage made of unwanted christmas gifts and rice pudding, and in the corner of one of the pages of the book i would aslo like to see fried egg.
Angela Lansbury doing that cycling bit from the opening credits of ‘Murder She Wrote’.
MANATEES
Mohammed.
A man peeing out of his nose into the mouth of a gimp designated as a urinal, while smelling the arse of another man using his knob….
My penchant for fake ads leads me to request an advert for the worlds finest ethically sourced, fair trade, organic Gin (now with friendly bacteria, omega 3 and cure for cancer). Damn those self-righteous supermarkets and their enticing ad campaigns. You have a lot to beat. Toodles
I’d like you to draw something that when i see it, will make me cry
from my dirty hole.
or you know, a unicorn filling in a tax return whilst on the phone to his mum trying to broach the subject that he isn’t married yet, cos he is in fact gay.
no reason.
A transvestite sausage.
Mr. Biffo who is drawing himself in a book, who is drawing himself is a book, who is drawing himself in a book, who is ……
A picture of Mr Biffo’s credit card, including accurate card number and expiry date.
David Gest eating a sandwich. In private.
A cock. But drawn in the corner of the first 20 or so pages. So that when you flick through them it animates it getting big and spunking. If your really nice, make the spunk spell a word. :)
Men and dogs swimming up in “Tyson’s salad drawer”.
A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold
A courgette suddenly becoming sentient and screaming as it’s about to picked from the vine.
A fat man who has just fouled in his precious new pants.
Bamboozle man on a Teletext holiday, in a ceefax deckchair with a thong on
Ms Pac Man trying to find Pac Man’s genitalia