Mr Biffo compo
Word up cyberfruits, it’s compo time.
Mr Biffo, probably best known for writing the cult Digitiser pages on Teletext, has taken time out from his hectic schedule to write a book.
It’s basically a collection of chatroom transcripts where Biffo pretends to be a lady, and winds up men hungry for the sexing.
Clicky the book to read the reviews on Amazon.
And in the interests of self publicity he’s emailed B3ta and asked us to help him pimp it, and so, your challenge is this:
What would you like Mr Biffo to draw?
The most amusing five suggestions will be drawn by the fair – if not girly – hand of Biffo, inside his book and sent to YOU. Yes, to YOU, dear reader.
Add your suggestions to the comments below. Well, if you fancy getting a copy of the book that is. If not, then quietly go on your way.
WINNERS ANNOUNCED
The horrified face of Gordon Brown as he sits down at the big desk for his first day as PM, only to find a big poo in the PM’s private pencil case. (mrdirtylegs)
Pirates milking a giraffe. (Zo)
The Greatest Game Ever Played. (Digeridude)
A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold. (Kelly)
A brand new knife and wife thing. (doveston)
So thanks to everyone who made suggestions, and to Mr Biffo for being a good sport. Books will be winging their way to the winners shortly.
The Man With A Long Chin.
The Curtains.
It’s getting dark out.
Tony Blair cutting off Gordon Brown’s ears and selling them on ebay.
Hitler dressed in drag doing the can can whilst waving a union jack and the flag of the Democratic Republic of Congo wearing a see you Jimmy Scottish hat and smoking a large spliff
jesus fighting vampires while enjoying some lemon sorbet
A picture of what you would like to see first thing when you wake up hungover on a sunny day.
i would like to see an emu eating a medieval knight who has very short arms…..pretty please
Pixelated dog wash
Gary Coleman in a musical.
267 anime smilies, 3 life boats full of squallid gypsy fish, and a koala bear eating a pack of cigarettes.
A drawing of a seriously screwed up version of The Aristocrats would be nice.
a brand new knife and wife thing
gordon brown with his hand up a dogs ass – the dog characterised as tony blair
Fred the Oyster gets some sweet, sweet chicken lovin’
Some nice pixel art, little rough pencil squares. Just start drawing some and see what it ends up looking like. And then write your name at the bottom.
Just ordered the book from Amazon anyway – £6.59 is very reasonable for a book these days.
Spong Monkey in ASCII (teletext style)
Superman fighting giant nazi robots.
the knob shaped news people from Parsley Boobs over there on Weebls Stuff eating an otter.
buns
Can you draw my big toe please, left or right, I’m not fussy.
JC on a special ‘crotchless’ cricifix with a crafty step ladder behind so that folks can pop in for a cold one.
Could you draw, in sharp detail a naked Ms Jade Goody, astride a fully inflated space-hopper, her hairy pie being attended to by the loving (but dribbling) tongue of erstwhile belm, Mr. Joseph Deacon?
That would certainly be fantastic, and in forty years’ time, when my grand-kids try to raise monies from family heirlooms for a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I can laugh in mirth as it raises nothing at all at an auction house.
fuck the book, I wanna digi t-shirt
480 FTW
I’d like to see Mr. Biffo drawing a small child – Eastern European. Perhaps Ukranian. He is in a dark and dusty room, with a broken NES controller ‘plugged into’ the cardboard box which doubles as his imaginary televison and NES. His face looks grubby in the light which is creeping in through the window. If he only looked, he’d see the face of his mother. Crying. She can’t help him anymore. Somebody will find him. Somebody will look after him. She has to go. This is the last time she will ever see him, and he doesn’t even realise that she is there.
A small man, in a dress, balanced on a cucumber saying, “I was here once-oh!”
OR
A small man made of plates.
Both would make me giddy with glee!
One man, his dead wife and their spastic child.
Please.
A gold-plated reversible sedgewick
My dear old mother.
African Wild Dogs! Wearing hats! Hats….of GENIUS!
A Fat man
a crucifixion circle jerk, with all the apostles beating furiously around the cross. Forgive them father, they know not what they do.
16 white legs and a row of teeth
A disgruntled, broken man recently informed that he is too rotund to have his man-wabs increased in size due to their being covered in many bleeding nipples.
A nervous carpenter being followed by a cat
Jimmy Hill’s chin AND NOTHING ELSE.
A cartoon Hitler shaking hands over with Thatcher over a dead body. The Pope, in the background, crosseyed with laughter or anger. Or possibly due to wanking.
Your picture, your call.
A man, a plan, a canal…Panama.
The title page of his book in miniature with the drawing of the title page included at each level of the ensuing infinite regress.
i think i would like him to draw a wankipeedia logo……
Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall coming out of an egg, weilding a delightful meat-based snack of your choice.
a banana-phone please
ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
A very sad dragonfly, he is sad because he has spent his last $1 on a phone in quiz, but they had already chosen the winner, which was his ex wife.
please
A Crystal Reversible Sedgewick.
Coz everyone knows Sedgewicks aren’t reversible.
An old fat man being chased in circles BY A SWARM OF BEES
A can of dresses and a shaved pizza
or perhaps a group of women with fuses protruding from their vaginas
or a triangle with 4 sides
He should draw the Ginger Fuhrer Signing a copy of the bumper book of sick jokes. Not exactly ridiculous but it could pass for modern art.
The universe collapsing. But only how a squirrel would imagine it. An autistic squirrel.
I would like Mr. Biffo to draw a flatulent lemur.
His own genitalia, nailed to a bilboard displaying the crappy pixilated pages of one of his purile digitiser pages. Oh yes and also Violet Berlin masturbating with a Thrustmaster joystick.
A big fat bull dyke (or “feminist”) telling a gay black cripple he wouldn’t understand the prejudice women face.