Mr Biffo compo
Word up cyberfruits, it’s compo time.
Mr Biffo, probably best known for writing the cult Digitiser pages on Teletext, has taken time out from his hectic schedule to write a book.
It’s basically a collection of chatroom transcripts where Biffo pretends to be a lady, and winds up men hungry for the sexing.
Clicky the book to read the reviews on Amazon.
And in the interests of self publicity he’s emailed B3ta and asked us to help him pimp it, and so, your challenge is this:
What would you like Mr Biffo to draw?
The most amusing five suggestions will be drawn by the fair - if not girly - hand of Biffo, inside his book and sent to YOU. Yes, to YOU, dear reader.
Add your suggestions to the comments below. Well, if you fancy getting a copy of the book that is. If not, then quietly go on your way.
WINNERS ANNOUNCED
The horrified face of Gordon Brown as he sits down at the big desk for his first day as PM, only to find a big poo in the PM’s private pencil case. (mrdirtylegs)
Pirates milking a giraffe. (Zo)
The Greatest Game Ever Played. (Digeridude)
A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold. (Kelly)
A brand new knife and wife thing. (doveston)
So thanks to everyone who made suggestions, and to Mr Biffo for being a good sport. Books will be winging their way to the winners shortly.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:35 am
the life blood from a dying swan
May 4th, 2007 at 10:35 am
The entire creation of the universe, as acted out by Steven Hawkings. Extra points for the creation of the “Dribbly Way”
May 4th, 2007 at 10:37 am
i can’t think of anything amusing for mr biffo to draw, but i’d love a free book.
How about a picture of me wanting a free bokk?
May 4th, 2007 at 10:37 am
oops
‘book’
May 4th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Ainsley Harriot playing The Virgin Mary in a particularly graphic version of the nativity
May 4th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Cat on a rotten hoof
May 4th, 2007 at 10:39 am
The Last Supper, attended solely by the cast of On The Buses.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:41 am
A group of nuns driving a bathtub race car down a steep hill.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Jeremy Beadle shitting into his tiny, tiny hand and then making sweet love to his own excrement, whilst he wears a funny hat.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:44 am
a man eating his own head
May 4th, 2007 at 10:46 am
A Buddhist monk was out walking in the foothills of the Himalayas, contemplating the beauty of nature and the sanctity of life, when he was set upon by a yeti. The yeti tore into the monks robes and struck a savage blow with its powerful clawed hand, ripping a horrible wound into the monk’s belly. The yeti, now overcome with lust, has begun to brutally fuck the gaping bloody wound with its enormous, throbbing spiked cock. The beasts massive balls are swinging back and forth in its pendulous scrotum. Meanwhile, the Dali Lama, controller of the yeti, stands watching from behind a bush. His glasses are askew as he laughs maniacally, his orange robes are hitched up to his round belly and he viciously beats at his own engorged prick with a sharp rock, thus creating a beautiful fountain of blood and spunk.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:48 am
The aftermath of an enormous orgy at BBC Television Centre
Eamonn Holmes is twitching in a corner having been milked totally dry by George Alagyah’s Mechanical Wanking Spanner, George himself has suffocated after his head became lodged inside Fern Cotton’s spasming vag-pipe. Weatherman Rob McElwee failed to forecast the fatal consequences of rimming Dawn French while she’s standing on a wobbly milking stool in a pair of ludicrous stilletoes. Finally, David Tennant grins happily as he sits naked amongst the blood and entrails of the entire cast of Eastenders.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:54 am
an extremely fat person (maybe that bloke who you see on TV balancing cars on his head) unsuccessfuly attempting the sacred act of self filatio.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am
paris hilton lost in the ghetto suburbs of downtown LA, she is looking for her little puppydog what she has named ‘blackie’.
paris doesn’t know what hits her when she is savagly beaten and raped by several gangs who, for some reason, have forgotten any bad blood between then for this act.
it’s three days before the police find what is left of her defiled body.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:13 am
A fat giraffe wearing in-line skates buying a new LCD tv from Dixons.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Helen of Troy rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic
May 4th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Draw the end scene of that film Society featuring Billy Warnock - when all the people meld into a giant sex monster.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:15 am
How about a picture of Biffo the Bear, from the Beano?
May 4th, 2007 at 11:26 am
A very slightly dangerous sparrow
May 4th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Detective Columbo pinning his murderous rampages on another opera singer / Hollywood director / parking attendant. Again.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Turner the worm being sick.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:43 am
George Michael as sleeping beauty at a set of traffic lights.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I’d like the corners of the book to have multiple drawings which turn it into a flickbook animation of Diana : Princess of Wales / Hearts detailing that time she went on a log flume at Chessington World of Adventure with the two princes.
Either that or I’d like Mr Biffo to write a letter to James Bond in pencil and rub it out so that I have to scribble over for the indentations to make the message re-appear like a top spy would have to.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
A robot playing chess against a man in a cage
(it’s just the man in the cage not both of them)
May 4th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
I’d love it if Mr Biffo were to render a pastoral scene, featuring yokels caked in shit and filth, bemoaning the lack of good oxen with lots of arm gestures. Meanwhile, in the sky, Alan Sugar can be seen in a helicopter, slapping his hand to his face in despair and pressing a button to activate nuclear apocalypse.
He could also include a sketch of David Cameron slipping and falling on his arse over a comedy banana, which somehow ends up pistoning into the suprised face of Boris Johnson, killing him instantly. A close up of blood and grue spilling over his unruly blonde hair would also be welcome.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
A small cake.
May 4th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Or how about a series of sketches of famous cartoonists, such as Jim Davis, Gary Larson, Giles, Scott Adams and the bloke who did Fred Bassett, beating their respective creations with a series of close to hand blunt instruments such as ashtrays, chairs or standard lamps? The cartoonist in every instance is shouting “FUNNY!”
May 4th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I want to see Mr Biffo and Rob Manuel wearing only strategically placed top hats and a merkin as a beard. Not as a picture; I just want to see it. It will excite me.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Zombie Dave.
I want to see what he looks like. REALLY.
With Jordan. You know, thrr brrrd wrrz thrr tttrrrdz.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
How about a series of sketches of national stereotypes as seen from above? For example, a Mexican weeing into a bucket, or a Mexican riding a bike, or 3 Mexicans weeing into a bucket?
(Also, if you write 3-D on a piece of paper and turn it on it’s side, it looks like a bottom pooing into a chamber pot!)
May 4th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Dandy highwayman Adam Ant. This week, his beleagured brain has lead him to a fish market and he has waved an antique musket at a stall holder threatening to blow his fucking brains out.
Furtunately, comedy bald man Ross Kemp is on hand to save the day by staring in a stern yet wooden manner at Adam. He does not however know that Ant and his unusual brainpan have an unholy love for bald men and the stench of fish. The combination is all too much and he goes for Kemp like a Pinscher for a child, pinning him down, tearing his denim clothing from his body and ramming bucket after bucket of rancid fish guts into his sore and swollen bellend.
Bella Emberg watches from a safe distance gently frigging herself with a live perch.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
a beautiful Polish girl
in a snow covered park fashioning enormous dildos out of ice and snow and giving herself a really good doing in both holes at once. The cold adds a certain piquancy to her activities.
A group of tramps has gathered to watch, the one with the beard is trying to tease his alcohol-ruined cock to attention while a baglady flashes her shit-caked flaps at a passing businessman.
The businessman hides a dark secret.
May 4th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Hero of the skies Douglas Bader
Has returned home from his final mission, two bloody, itching stumps where his legs used to be.
He lies on his bed and he can feel pain in his toes, the soles of his feet are tickling and his knees ache.
But there are no toes or soles or knees.
He begins to slip into a pit of despair; my life is over he thinks as he reaches to scratch an itch on his thigh, groaning despondently as his hand passes through thin air.
I can’t continue like this, he thinks, I have to pull myself together. I know what will cheer me up - a good hard shag with a classy whore!
So with a new resolve, Douglas dials 118 118 and gets the number for an exclusive Prossie agency and orders their best.
Half an hour later, the most gorgeous hooker in town is in his bedroom dancing in front of him, slowly undressing.
Douglas can feel his rigid cock straining against his pants. The girl peels off her thong and starts to crawl along the bed towards his crotch. By now, he can feel his engorged helmet throbbing like a generator.
The lovely tart flicks her long blonde hair back and slowly begins to pull down his shorts and Douglas feels his renownedly long joystick spring free.
He looks down, but all he can see is another itching, bloody stump.
May 4th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
A series of sketches of an increasingly agitated Wasp Box belting his troubled member against ever more abrasive surfaces in an attempt to quell the terrible, terrible urge he feels to pen a spiralling series of grisly vignettes which threaten to spill twitching from his syphillitic brain. The final sketch has him plunging into a cactus patch while a truck empties mousetraps and quicklime onto the whole floundering morass.
May 4th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
a parsnip.
May 4th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
“Bosoms”
May 4th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
Smallbrainfield’s suggestion above made me think of that heartwarming pair of vignettes:
edward woodward
hammering in a fencepost with his massive, bleeding cock
and
edward woodward
trying to stretch his japseye over a bloody and splintered fencepost, having given up on his previous endeavours
May 4th, 2007 at 3:34 pm
Sexy nuns!
May 4th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
the life and times of a sock
May 4th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Xbox coming out of someones arse.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Science.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Two paedos in an Internet cafe chatting up each other, completely unaware that they are not chatting to kids but indeed themselves.
While wanking furiosly.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
A giant, cybernetic wasp shopping for lingerie. The name of the shop is “Bras-U-Buzz” and the sales assistant has a lazy eye.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
A document successfully proving the existence of the Chinese
May 4th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
A Teletext viewer frantically pushing buttons on the remote, trying to find the “Hold” button before the page changes.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
A horse (hahaha! - No one can draw horses)
May 4th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
William Shakespeare riding a penny farthing bicycle.
Naked.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
An ape struggling to remember the colour purple.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
a house- kid style, extra points for using finger paints
May 4th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
a monkey-butler serving Hitler (his cigar smoking master) live swan from a silver platter while trying not to release his hang-over & curry crap from the night before. oh, and the swan is in a gimp mask.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
A Monkey and a Hippo tap dancing to see ya later alligator.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
A happy, pleased, fufilled emo.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
……. his last breath…….
May 4th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Mr Universe being kicked accidentally by Darcy Bussell with Statler and Waldorf laughing at them
May 4th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Snakes, cussing. And Mr T’s bins. That is all.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
A perfect circle. PERFECT I SAY!
May 4th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Funk Force Five
May 4th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Just the horrified face of Gordon Brown as he sits down at the big desk for his first day as PM, only to find a big poo in the PM’s private pencil case.
(you can write gordon on his t-shirt to make it simplier, I don’t know how good you are a drawing faces. Poo in a pencil case should be easy, everyone has a brown crayola lying around)
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Something a bit extreme, you know like:
A man skateboarding out of a helicopter, in front of a avalanche, that’s heading for a river of lava.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
My cat.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
A sample page of teletext
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Gary “have you seen my tablecloth” Wilmot suffering from elephantitis of the knees trying to woo (with his prehensile earlobes) Henry Kelly who is otherwise distracted by the fact his light switch looks like a friendly face.
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
please draw ‘A suffusion of Yellow’, or ‘Emptiness’
May 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
My shopping list!!
Beel
eggs
Egges
Sauce
Gas (for the ladies!!)
May 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
I’d like to see a lesbian riding a horse with a punnet of strawberries on her lap and a box of frogs on her shoulder. Her lesbian tendencies may be displayed in any way, but I might suggest comfortable shoes.
The frogs in the box may or may not be fucking grannies.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
A can of lager crying because it can’t feed its starving children and their pet cucumber.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Draw those bright spots that you see when you blink after pressing too hard against your eyeballs.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
A graphic demonstration of the pure feeling of unimaginable terror experienced when you think you have your head stuck in something.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
A scene of pastoral Iraq if only someone had gone back in time and killed Prescott Bush (GW Bush’s evil war profiteering grandfather).
May 4th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
A robotic big toe that can photoshop a pic, type on a message board, enter a compo and wank the host person all at once… with a B3TA logo on the nail…
(came to me in a dream)
May 4th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
A portrait of me, based on what someone who asks a person to draw them without seeing them first might look like. If it is me reading Biffo’s old teletext stuff using a view point within the TV looking out thought the old skool text, even better.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Jimmy Saville giving it the large one
May 4th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
A quality sketch of Mr Biffo himself taking a dump on hitlers head whilst having a wank, bonus points for badly drawn cock and vinegar stroke action.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Morrissey as a Nazi, driving a lorry full of used lottery tickets.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
What about what my Uncle used to do to me? That would make a great picture. A special picture for a special person, he’ll say.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Steve Rothery eating Fish and Fish plucking Heather
May 4th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
A giant pulsating Neil Kinnock.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
The Golden Girls being berated by Bill Oddie because he has only just found out than the producers of the Golden Girls left subliminal flammatory messages about Bill in the end credits to every epsiode. Whilst all this happening, popular rapper Ice Cube has found himself in an hilarious situation involving an actual Ice Cube and several second rate comedians.
Meanwhile, whilst all this is going on, no-one has noticed Kai-el advancing towards a building made entirely out of kriptonite. Kai-el, obviously allergic to this substance, instantly drops to the ground and causes a giant earthquake which causes a slight sense of depression in a man manning a mannequin multiplex in manilla.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Some pirates milking a giraffe, please.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Bamber Boozle knocking one out.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
What about a picture of a tanner filled with piss colliding with a truck carrying liquid shit to a vomiting convention?
Or.
Just a nice picture of a plate of fish sticks from Satan’s armpits.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
The reaction of your family, friends - heck, even your publisher, upon having heard your initial description of this book - your magnum opus, if you like. Capture their… pride?
May 4th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Mr Biffo and LoopyLisa21f wearing each others underwear.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Fish on a bicycle !
May 4th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Ninjas playing Jenga.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
marillion riding pillion cheered on by millions
May 4th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Ducks.. with old gnarled hands instead of wings. Attacking David Gest.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Lots
May 4th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Me. I’m gorgeous what else would anyone want!
May 4th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Mr Biffo’s cum-face
May 4th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Please Mr Biffo Sir,
Could you draw me a rubbish circle? RUBBISH I SAY!!!
/…waits for Mr B to try Kid Camel’s request and get the rejects…/
May 4th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Draw Jordan fucking that twat Peter fucking Andre in the arse
May 4th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
How about George Bush and Tony Blair receiving the Nobel Peace Prize?
May 4th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Silly Old Harry
Catching A Herring
Tapdancing On Anacondas
(My maths teacher said ‘Trawling Off America’, but that never really did it for me…)
May 4th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Mr T’s wife Mrs T
May 4th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
an elaborate heating system explaing to Professor Stephen Hawking that he may not be a great judge of character
May 4th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
A Penis.
May 4th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
the eBay logo. As soon as I win its going on there anyways, so your cutting out the middle man. PROFIT! PROFIT! PROFIT!
May 4th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Himself. Touching a goat inappropriately.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Pain
May 4th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
a wank
May 4th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I don’t know…how about a kitten being sacrificed on a giant, excited CDC with the Quo wielding a big knife?
May 4th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
A GOAT EATING A SHOWER CURTAIN
May 4th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
The Queen being fisted by a boxing kangaroo.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
a very fat ginger person naked so Fuhrer R.M. doesnt feel so alone!
May 4th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Turner the worm being sick while a cowboy with a big hat is assaulted by a rusty tin man swinging his chopper so bloody hard that his nuts have fallen off while a giant Mr T leers in the background, decimating a city, commanding everyone to stop “touching his bins”.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
two camels fighting over a tin of cling peaches. when i say over i mean about, not, standing over
May 4th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
GOATSE !!!
May 4th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
the queen swimming inside a giant dinosaur egg
May 4th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
procedure DrawMandelbrot(ACanvas: TCanvas; X, Y, au, bu: Double; X2, Y2: Integer);
var
c1, c2, z1, z2, tmp: Double;
i, j, Count: Integer;
begin
c2 := bu;
for i := 10 to X2 do
etc…
May 4th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Draw a Bunyip, the mythological Australian creature that I’ve heard ‘can take any form your imagination chooses’. I try to get a Bunyip from people who I meet - it’s like seeing a little way into the fucked-up bit of their heads. Go on - show me yer Bunyip.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Three-and-a-half men called Sid.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
a knob.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
A foolish kittle handlebrush drinking twelve cantebury iggledumps choggling on a wriggle of heaving manrish hundink. Then oversum oncetime healthing a fortun-based eaglecock, fortran firune un coddling-like. Eatery based pancakes, bed-ridden with coldsore hangcantery - cheesing over the fire - dribbling dribbling dribbling, oops! bubble on the head, like a hung cunt.
Try that, drawman.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
The last thing to go through a fly’s mind as it hits a car windscreen.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
A Wispa.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
A disabled person, sucking off Steve Irwin’s corpse, whilst being shit on by a unicorn.
May 4th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
A cobweb in one of the top corners. Extra marks for making it interact with any adornments on the top of the screen, spelling a word with thicker threads or stuff caught in it.
OR
A cut out showing some of the underlying page.
OR
The terrible truth about what’s on the other side of a mouse pointer (I amagine it’s mostly steam driven, though heavily dependant on slave labour)
OR
Lemmings all over the text as if ‘t were a level.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Fluffeh Teim. Two kittens occupying a base.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
the queen seeing off a massive joint
May 4th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Make Mr Biffo draw me a piccycher of Mr Georgy Bush buggering Tony Blair with his willy.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Jordon’s Cock.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
Tyne Daly (the one from Cagney and Lacey who’s now fat) defecating into Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s hot tub.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
The internal workings of an earthworm turned outward
May 4th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
A perplexed marmot on a pogo stick
May 4th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
John Prescott franticly trying to stuff a live (and very uncooperative) otter up his great wobbly arse before the Countdown clock reaches zero, in the mistaken belief that it will gain him wider public acceptance.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
A picture of what, in your opinion, is the second most cunning plan ever.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
A wombat carefully balanced on one leg upon an oil drum, smoking a cigar with carefree exuberance whilst taking in the wonderful vista of Swindon’s magic roundabout where much to the surprise of a passing koala kangaroos are protesting about the new laws requiring them to wear trilby hats at all times…
May 4th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I want him to black out every page of the book for me.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
rod hull’s REAAAL arm.. possibly with a smattering of green jelly
May 4th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Bender the robot and Homer J Simpson playing operation wearing boxing gloves please.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Mr T’s mother… aparently there aint no other than his mother. I’ll have Biffo draw me mr.T treating his mother right.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
A clown getting raped by Mr T (may or may not involve his bins and rectum breaching)
May 4th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing a drawing of you drawing of you in the book.
May 4th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
a cat enjoying the sun
May 4th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
I bet you could do a really good picture of the Prophet Mohammed.
May 4th, 2007 at 7:07 pm
A worm vomiting onto a kitten.
May 4th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
John Major smiling between Marie Antoinettes spread legs as she is smothered by a giant pink cake in the shape of a mobile.
May 4th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
A cartoon picture of Mohamed. Get out of that one Mr Biffo!
May 4th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Me
May 4th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
A stick man… I don’t want to put him under any pressure
May 4th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Strike that - a TELETEXT version of the cartoon picture of Mohamed!
May 4th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Fish from Marillion’s cock
May 4th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Prince Harry, wearing the corpse of the queen mum to a fancy dress party.
May 4th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
a picture of my own (future) grisly death
May 4th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Daily Mail film critic Christopher Tookey watching a snuff film, whilst masturbating with his own faeces and crying hysterically because his father never loved him.
May 4th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Steven Fry smiting the unbelievers.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Jeremy Clarkson involved in non-consentual sex with a Bugatti Veyron.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
Bamber Boozle shooting a man in the face after they got all questions correct first time by cheating. (you used to be able to press all the buttons really fast and then the one number/symbol in the top left corner that was different was the correct answer)
With a bazooka.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Could Mr B take time out to draw (and thus prove) some dark matter.
)
Just a little bit, that’s all, thanks.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
The Man With A Long Chin.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
The Curtains.
It’s getting dark out.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Tony Blair cutting off Gordon Brown’s ears and selling them on ebay.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Hitler dressed in drag doing the can can whilst waving a union jack and the flag of the Democratic Republic of Congo wearing a see you Jimmy Scottish hat and smoking a large spliff
May 4th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
jesus fighting vampires while enjoying some lemon sorbet
May 4th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
A picture of what you would like to see first thing when you wake up hungover on a sunny day.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
i would like to see an emu eating a medieval knight who has very short arms…..pretty please
May 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
Pixelated dog wash
May 4th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Gary Coleman in a musical.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
267 anime smilies, 3 life boats full of squallid gypsy fish, and a koala bear eating a pack of cigarettes.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
A drawing of a seriously screwed up version of The Aristocrats would be nice.
May 4th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
a brand new knife and wife thing
May 4th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
gordon brown with his hand up a dogs ass - the dog characterised as tony blair
May 4th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Fred the Oyster gets some sweet, sweet chicken lovin’
May 4th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Some nice pixel art, little rough pencil squares. Just start drawing some and see what it ends up looking like. And then write your name at the bottom.
Just ordered the book from Amazon anyway - £6.59 is very reasonable for a book these days.
May 4th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Spong Monkey in ASCII (teletext style)
May 4th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Superman fighting giant nazi robots.
May 4th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
the knob shaped news people from Parsley Boobs over there on Weebls Stuff eating an otter.
May 4th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
buns
May 4th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Can you draw my big toe please, left or right, I’m not fussy.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
JC on a special ‘crotchless’ cricifix with a crafty step ladder behind so that folks can pop in for a cold one.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Could you draw, in sharp detail a naked Ms Jade Goody, astride a fully inflated space-hopper, her hairy pie being attended to by the loving (but dribbling) tongue of erstwhile belm, Mr. Joseph Deacon?
That would certainly be fantastic, and in forty years’ time, when my grand-kids try to raise monies from family heirlooms for a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I can laugh in mirth as it raises nothing at all at an auction house.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
fuck the book, I wanna digi t-shirt
480 FTW
May 4th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
I’d like to see Mr. Biffo drawing a small child - Eastern European. Perhaps Ukranian. He is in a dark and dusty room, with a broken NES controller ‘plugged into’ the cardboard box which doubles as his imaginary televison and NES. His face looks grubby in the light which is creeping in through the window. If he only looked, he’d see the face of his mother. Crying. She can’t help him anymore. Somebody will find him. Somebody will look after him. She has to go. This is the last time she will ever see him, and he doesn’t even realise that she is there.
May 4th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
A small man, in a dress, balanced on a cucumber saying, “I was here once-oh!”
OR
A small man made of plates.
Both would make me giddy with glee!
May 4th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
One man, his dead wife and their spastic child.
Please.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
A gold-plated reversible sedgewick
May 4th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
My dear old mother.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
African Wild Dogs! Wearing hats! Hats….of GENIUS!
May 4th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
A Fat man
May 4th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
a crucifixion circle jerk, with all the apostles beating furiously around the cross. Forgive them father, they know not what they do.
May 4th, 2007 at 11:50 pm
16 white legs and a row of teeth
May 4th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
A disgruntled, broken man recently informed that he is too rotund to have his man-wabs increased in size due to their being covered in many bleeding nipples.
May 5th, 2007 at 12:12 am
A nervous carpenter being followed by a cat
May 5th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Jimmy Hill’s chin AND NOTHING ELSE.
May 5th, 2007 at 12:29 am
A cartoon Hitler shaking hands over with Thatcher over a dead body. The Pope, in the background, crosseyed with laughter or anger. Or possibly due to wanking.
Your picture, your call.
May 5th, 2007 at 12:43 am
A man, a plan, a canal…Panama.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:05 am
The title page of his book in miniature with the drawing of the title page included at each level of the ensuing infinite regress.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:14 am
i think i would like him to draw a wankipeedia logo……
May 5th, 2007 at 1:18 am
Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall coming out of an egg, weilding a delightful meat-based snack of your choice.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:30 am
a banana-phone please
ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
May 5th, 2007 at 1:32 am
A very sad dragonfly, he is sad because he has spent his last $1 on a phone in quiz, but they had already chosen the winner, which was his ex wife.
please
May 5th, 2007 at 2:01 am
A Crystal Reversible Sedgewick.
Coz everyone knows Sedgewicks aren’t reversible.
May 5th, 2007 at 2:07 am
An old fat man being chased in circles BY A SWARM OF BEES
May 5th, 2007 at 2:18 am
A can of dresses and a shaved pizza
or perhaps a group of women with fuses protruding from their vaginas
or a triangle with 4 sides
May 5th, 2007 at 2:18 am
He should draw the Ginger Fuhrer Signing a copy of the bumper book of sick jokes. Not exactly ridiculous but it could pass for modern art.
May 5th, 2007 at 2:43 am
The universe collapsing. But only how a squirrel would imagine it. An autistic squirrel.
May 5th, 2007 at 3:09 am
I would like Mr. Biffo to draw a flatulent lemur.
May 5th, 2007 at 7:40 am
His own genitalia, nailed to a bilboard displaying the crappy pixilated pages of one of his purile digitiser pages. Oh yes and also Violet Berlin masturbating with a Thrustmaster joystick.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:03 am
A big fat bull dyke (or “feminist”) telling a gay black cripple he wouldn’t understand the prejudice women face.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:06 am
a whale with a foreskin instead of a mouth
May 5th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Nazis making apple struddel out of Jews.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:57 am
A giant and a midget, both fondling children that are the opposite sizes to the men themselves. So the midget will be fondling a giant child (Peter Andre and Jordans baby preferably) and the giant will be fondling a tiny speck of a child. Make both the children look like they have cerebal palsy.
In the background, Aphex Twin and Squarepusher should be holding hands and frollocking through a meadow of rape seed, with a speech bubble over there heads saying “Lawks and rollocking!”
They will both be saying lawks and rollocking, so make sure the speech bubble comes from them both.
And a plane in the sky, but make the plane green!
May 5th, 2007 at 8:59 am
Fern Britton looking decidedly nervous at a Weight Watchers meeting.
May 5th, 2007 at 9:46 am
I’d like to see a picture of THE WORLD’S TALLEST MAN, but drawn to make him look REALLY SMALL!!!! (Smaller than A LEAF!!!!) HA HA! Imagine that!
I’m going to go and try to draw that now myself. I want to see what it looks like (FUNNY, I BET). HA HA!
May 5th, 2007 at 9:55 am
How about Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street endorsing fortnightly bin collections and Snuffleupagus offering to eat it all instead?
May 5th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Kylie. Naked. Using only ASCII characters.
May 5th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Evil Edna from off of Will O’ The Wisp taking an overdose
May 5th, 2007 at 10:27 am
A pictoral representation of Teletext being killed off by teh web.
Ohhhh the symbolism
May 5th, 2007 at 10:36 am
nuclear powered squirrel poop
May 5th, 2007 at 10:37 am
all the germans.
May 5th, 2007 at 11:14 am
a small rodent doing a shit on a megabus to plymouth draw that!!
May 5th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Chewbacca… shaved.. superglueing all his hair onto R2-D2 whilst an Ewok watches.. and jerks off
May 5th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
A pelican with a Reversible Sedgewick in his peli-pouch. His face tells us he is As Pleased As Punch.
or
Anthony Hopkins emerging from his chrysalis.
May 5th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Large quantities of unimployment, seeking revenge for something or other.
May 5th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Fourteen evil nuns attacking a seemingly unarmed ninja tortoise. They beat the tortoise relentlessly on the shield with their elongated cunty flaps. The tortoise doesn’t seem to mind this at all, and is continuing his game of patience.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
I want him to draw the Teletext management cowering from the real world.
(Or a big cock)
May 5th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Myra Hindley and Moira Stuart fighting viciously, michael fish watches gleefully.
May 5th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Himself, wanking in front of a mirror.
May 5th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I would like Mr Biffo the scourge of my teenage years to draw;
Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing Mr Biffo drawing a big fat bus stop COCK
May 5th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
DRAW ME LOVE
And another filthy tranny, on the inside of the book
May 5th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
The cast of last of the summer wine, landing on the moon, only to find that Bob Todd has set fire to all the sunbeds.
May 5th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
How about Mira Hindley wearing a blue peter badge?
or
Barbra Windsor felating Michael Parkinson whilst swigging turps on a back street in Manchester.
May 5th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Draw your slowly sapping faith in mankind as no-one buys your book and your hopes of fame, fortune and Charlie Brookerdom slowly ebb away. (Hee hee - hope it sells
)
May 5th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
a person with taste-buds in their anus
May 5th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
draw a worm pondering whether it is better to be the giver or the reciever in a modern homosexual relationship
May 5th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
A surfing phallus.
May 5th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
A guide to giving good head.
May 5th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
A giant platypus (probably with laser eyes) destroying a London suburb.
May 5th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Two tarts in the arctic
May 5th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Margaret Thatcher, receiving cunilingus from a randy, teenage pidgeon atop an mid-priced motorhome, somewhere in a feild in Tipton.
May 6th, 2007 at 12:42 am
THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED!
May 6th, 2007 at 1:00 am
A fox wearing a boob tube and a kilt dancing to the song agadoo, being played by a band of travenling gypsy peanuts, each one of them with some form of disfigurment. On a stage made of unwanted christmas gifts and rice pudding, and in the corner of one of the pages of the book i would aslo like to see fried egg.
May 6th, 2007 at 5:46 am
Angela Lansbury doing that cycling bit from the opening credits of ‘Murder She Wrote’.
May 6th, 2007 at 8:45 am
MANATEES
May 6th, 2007 at 8:58 am
Mohammed.
May 6th, 2007 at 10:07 am
A man peeing out of his nose into the mouth of a gimp designated as a urinal, while smelling the arse of another man using his knob….
May 6th, 2007 at 10:16 am
My penchant for fake ads leads me to request an advert for the worlds finest ethically sourced, fair trade, organic Gin (now with friendly bacteria, omega 3 and cure for cancer). Damn those self-righteous supermarkets and their enticing ad campaigns. You have a lot to beat. Toodles
May 6th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
I’d like you to draw something that when i see it, will make me cry
from my dirty hole.
or you know, a unicorn filling in a tax return whilst on the phone to his mum trying to broach the subject that he isn’t married yet, cos he is in fact gay.
no reason.
May 6th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
A transvestite sausage.
May 6th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Mr. Biffo who is drawing himself in a book, who is drawing himself is a book, who is drawing himself in a book, who is ……
May 6th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
A picture of Mr Biffo’s credit card, including accurate card number and expiry date.
May 6th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
David Gest eating a sandwich. In private.
May 6th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
A cock. But drawn in the corner of the first 20 or so pages. So that when you flick through them it animates it getting big and spunking. If your really nice, make the spunk spell a word.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Men and dogs swimming up in “Tyson’s salad drawer”.
May 6th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
A shortened Bayeux Tapestry with a naked Harold
May 6th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
A courgette suddenly becoming sentient and screaming as it’s about to picked from the vine.
May 6th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
A fat man who has just fouled in his precious new pants.
May 6th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Bamboozle man on a Teletext holiday, in a ceefax deckchair with a thong on
May 6th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Ms Pac Man trying to find Pac Man’s genitalia
May 6th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
The Shop Keeper inviting Mr Benn, crudely dressed as a Whore, to sit in front of a PC displaying a seedy chat room.
May 6th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
babies in limbo
May 6th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
what he thinks lonely men picture when they start talking to him
May 6th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Margaret Thatcher Poledancing
May 7th, 2007 at 1:02 am
Man Sex!
May 7th, 2007 at 1:03 am
Mr Biffo and I playing orignal pong!
Just a screen shot with possibly names at the top!
May 7th, 2007 at 1:04 am
A big dirty spunky penis with pubes and veins included!
May 7th, 2007 at 8:46 am
baldus the killer bumbum
May 7th, 2007 at 9:03 am
The “Virgin”-writing.
May 7th, 2007 at 9:38 am
A wee boy, looking a wee bit lost.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:23 am
An accurate artist’s impression of the damage done to my psyche and subconscious mind during the past 20 minutes reading these suggestions
May 7th, 2007 at 10:45 am
A 300 metre long line drawn in an intricate spiral on the fourth page of the book. It must be no more than 2 points thick and the colour must be 33FF33.
Oh yes, and I want an infinite number of monkeys surfing on it “Line Rider” style.
May 7th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
The curtains.
May 7th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
The atom that was TOO BIG for human science.
May 7th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
graham norton reciving felatio from mr t
May 7th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
a dissapointed giraffe
May 7th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
representaions of the seven deadly sins using ONLY STRAIGHT LINES
May 7th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
A slightly sarcastic owl
May 7th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
turner the worm being fucked by bamber from bamboozle.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Mr Biffo Should Definatly Draw Ainsley Harriot Leg Dropping A Child Through A Table!
May 7th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
MR BLOBBY HAVING SEX WITH NOEL EDMONDS
May 8th, 2007 at 12:22 am
A perplexed mongoose… he can be perplexed for whatever reason you choose. Maybe he’s confused about his sexualitly, who knows?
May 8th, 2007 at 7:07 am
Do you know that man from the X-Files, well his mother dusting a grand piano.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:10 am
I would like to see a picture of Bill Oddie being pecked to death by small wild birds.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:30 am
He should draw the face of a man who has just learned that his cult teletext pages are being dropped by under-appreciative moronic TV execs.
In pixelated teletext stylee. Yo.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:32 am
An eyelid being a politician, inside a cow.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:20 am
A cock with rob Manuels face.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:22 am
A giant mechanical digger, excavating a burrow that is said to contain the remains of the Mongolian Death Worm. However, they have found that it is instead the start of a series of tunnels inhabitted by Tibetan monks. These monks, named Trevor and Baz, secretly rule the world by manipulating the internet through eldritch steam punk technology that has been left under the earth by alien visitors. These aliens were not like us though and the machine cannot be operated by human hands, but rather a different part of the anatomy, the left nipple. This has to be fully shaven to make correct contact. The monks have grown big and fat as they eat only KFC, they do not like generic chicken shops, as they were influenced at an early age to experience terrifying brand loyalty to the colonel. Only one man can save the world from these monks schemes, but he has yet to realise it and is living his life normally, making TV shows about gangs around the world. In order to save the world he must trek for many miles to Netto, where he can buy own brand jam with which to dissolve their souls, by gluing them to the alien machine. He also needs to build a giant robotic cat, in which to travel through the tunels, as they are larger than anything, particularly the london underground during the summer. All of this should be taking place inside a mystic mandala, that sums up the meaning of life and why we are here.
May 8th, 2007 at 11:30 am
DRAW THIS
A hoarde of vikings rapeing thatcher while building a golden longboat. in the background prince charles is being bummed by a horse which is picking up pineapples and putting them in the long boat. the horse has scars from various cowboys which have ridden her over the years. the queen looks on with a rye smile, but periodically says “one is not amused” at 31 minute intervals.
May 8th, 2007 at 11:35 am
A 2 frame animation (drawn on two different pages that I must flick backward and forward to achieve the animation) of Rolf Harris tromboning Lieutenant Columbo.
Oh, and this must be in the style of a Teletext page. You must adhere to the same resolution and colours available to Teletext.
Thank you.
May 8th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
A REALLY CRUSTY BOGEY!!!! HA HA
Like brickies do.
…Wipe a real one and draw round it. Thats what I’d do.
May 8th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
The inside of a tennis ball
May 8th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Sod all this Biffo… just draw a big, fat and oh-so juicy peach lodged into the broken eye socket of the Scottish Widow’s widow; just like i know you’d really like to.
May 8th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Debbie from off of of Debbie’s Diary having a crafty Kitkat shuffle
May 8th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Ganondorf tucking into his favourite sandwich.
May 8th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
a picture of Rapebear
May 8th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
A midget
May 8th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Conclusions about the sort of people who leave these suggestions…
May 8th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
his mum doing him with a 10 foot dildo in his arse
him self
asnake craling out the tolet updawn frenches arse out her mouth into her cunt flaps out her under crack and licking a sumos knob whos eating wini the poo
May 8th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Biffo writing a glowing review of his own book on Amazon.
May 8th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
A brown trumpet and cock coat of arms.
May 8th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Hitler, in an Elvis costume, giving birth to an anthropomorphic duck whilst squatting over the grave of a liar on a dark midnight. This event is being filmed by a fat Brazilian man, who is wearing ass-less leather chaps and a stripy jumper, whilst wanking it over a photograph of Terry Wogan.
Alternatively, a tea party in a ferret’s bungalow.
May 8th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
john lesile joining in and videotaping a smurf orgy
May 8th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
The ceiling of the Sistene Chapel, but made out of a collage of tiny Goatse pictures.
Tubgirl, but made out of a collage of tiny Sistene Chapel images.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Bamber Boozler giving the Goatse salute
May 8th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
just stick with the Knob will ya
May 9th, 2007 at 9:29 am
Kremiln Gremlins.
May 9th, 2007 at 10:00 am
The Bukkake Mona Lisa
May 9th, 2007 at 11:52 am
A `Motty’ please tanks
May 9th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
an elephant sodomizing a rabbit
May 9th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
I’m surprised no-one has mentioned the most obvious suggestion - A picture of Tom selleck in drag, bobbing for grenades in an oil drum full of sailor’s cum. It’s what we all want to see.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Draw Rod, Jane & Freddy pointing and laughing at Andi Peters as he rolls down the M1 motorway whilst sellotaped to the Wheel Of Fortune.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
A budgie, battering a policeman. With a vent.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
A scene from Willo-the-Wisp.
A small clearing in Doyley Woods: centremost is Evil Edna (her face overlaid with a classic Digitiser tv-grab) being taken roughly from behind by The Beast (with the face of Mr Biffo).
As he pulls her antennas, they are being watched from behind a shrub to the left by Mavis Cruet. While she shoves a sticky looking Twit up her twat, Carwash rims her with his sandpaper-like cat’s tongue (his glasses misted up).
Watching from the other side is The Moog and Arthur who are performing 79 (like 69 but each with a hand up their arse) whilst Willo-the-Wisp cracks one off into The Moogs ear.
Make sure you get the atmosphere of Doyley Woods right, that could spoil the whole thing.
May 9th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
My Biffo should draw a picture of the cover of my forthcoming book “Confessions Of An Internet Pervert” which is a collection of chat transcripts where I pretend to be a succession of socially inept men on the internet chatting to LoopyLisa21f with the aim of getting her to say some “really weird stuff”.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
A weasel with a hemorrhoid problem
May 9th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
Dear Mr Biffo please could you draw for me “The mental processes of the “suit and ties” who canceled CITV’s home grown output.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Stephen Fry’s evil twin brother.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
I’d be dead impressed if Senor Biffo would (or even could) draw us a picture of what he might have looked like if his visit to Chernobyl had gone horrible awry.
May 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
I would like Mr Biffo to draw ‘Disappointment caused by “Eastenders”‘.
May 9th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
A Cadbury’s Creme Egg, being eaten by a creature that is the physical manifestation of hatred. If he were to be asked “how do you eat yours?”, he would make it perfectly clear that he eats his Cadbury’s Creme Egg with a gun.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Jim Bowen out of Bullseye and Ted Rogers out of 3-2-1 dressed as tuppeny hookers and dragging the disemboweled corpse of Paul Daniels out of Every second counts into an alleyway where we can see Anne Robinson out of Weakest link shoving the severed leg of Les Dawson from Blankety Blanky into her tattered, shit-smeared cunt hole. Meanwhile Jesus is felching mohamed.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Barry Manilow has fallen on hard times and has been employed as the keel of a boat. It wasn’t going too badly until one day, sailing through the Indian ocean, an entire pod of dolphins appears and repeatedly rape him in the face.
The ship’s captain, Inglebert Humperdink looks on shaking his head and fiddling with his nads.
May 9th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
A bear listening to REM
May 10th, 2007 at 12:22 am
nothing
May 10th, 2007 at 6:09 am
What you think one of the guys you chatted to online as LoopyLisa looks like in real life
or, if you feel that’s too mean, a picture of a unicorn or something.
May 10th, 2007 at 6:37 am
A large, slightly camp, lion playing monopoly with a grumpy baboon in a man nappy.
May 10th, 2007 at 8:01 am
I’d like Mr. Biffo to draw troubled, multi-suggestion-haver Wasp Box. I see him as an early 30’s male whose average degree in an oversubscribed subject from an uheralded university has resulted in him holding a poorly paid office job that he believes he’s too good for while accepting that the combination of his lack of courage and proclivity for dawdling on the internet for hours a day almost certainly means he will not achieve more. He converses with his colleagues almost exclusively ironically and struggles to make eye contact with any female between the ages of 12 and 55. When people struggle to understand his odd speech patterns and obscure references, he rolls his eyes then sneers inwardly as if to convince himself he’s really enjoyed confusing that person, to whom he (wrongly) feels superior. He lives with his parents and is embarassed by this. His relationship with them is akin to that of a mouthy but vulnerable 16 year-old. He has typed the word ‘rape’ into a Google image search on more than one occasion. His masturbation-to-sex ratio stands somewhere in the vicinity of 500-1.
Not that Mr. Biffo should let this affect his creative process of course!
May 10th, 2007 at 8:40 am
The leader of RIAA getting double teamed by The Pirate Bay leadership and the President of the FCC.
May 10th, 2007 at 9:04 am
The look on my face when I find out I’ve won this stupid competition but already bought the damn book anyway. On a cock.
May 10th, 2007 at 9:48 am
Children sledging downhill very fast on a dead tramp.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
May 10th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Despair. “Why must it always be lettuce?”
May 10th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Your bigoted, neighbourhood Spider-Manning.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
A picture of the greatest and bestest picture in the world.
May 10th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
A massive dead tramp in a skip, at the back of Woolworths. With a nice dress on.
May 10th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
The Bamboozler doing something bad.
May 10th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
I’ve got it.
A midget nazi riding a dog, and the dog is having a shit
May 11th, 2007 at 7:41 am
laurel and hardy
May 11th, 2007 at 7:45 am
toil and melancholy
November 29th, 2007 at 3:42 am
backseat bangers backseatbangers…
hottest backseat bangers backseatbangers…
December 4th, 2007 at 5:54 am
All Internal…
all internal…