Retro scarf competition
Back in the distant past (B3ta Newsletter 84) I asked our readers this:
Sometimes I fill this section of the newsletter with whimsey, sometimes bad jokes and sometimes nuggets of good ideas that I simply can’t be arsed to persue myself.
So imagine my (belated) surprise when B3ta boarder Account88888 got in touch to say he’d actually gone and made some and would I fancy giving away a few via the site?
Figuring this was a great opportunity to get some free scarfs for winter, how could I say no?
I thought long and hard about doing a fantastic photoshoot, and then thought, fuck it, I’ll just take a couple of snaps with them drapped around some old computers.
First off is a Scramble themed scarf, keeping a Cambridge Computers Z88 toasty and warm.
Secondly we’ve got a Space Invaders one making sure that the Spectrum +2 doesn’t get a cold interface this Christmas.
Anyway. I’ve got three to give away to B3ta readers. All you have to do is complete this exciting tie-breaker in 15 words or less and add it as a comment on this very blog post.
“I love 8-bit gaming because…”
And if you can’t be arsed with bollocks compos then maybe you’d like to buy one via B2D4.
WINNERS!
Yay, we’ve got three people that B2D4 reckon are the tops, and they’re getting a scarf each.
- I’ve never been called a n00b playing missile command… (soscynicalsohip)
- 10 REM SCARF COMPETITION HACK FOR INFINATE WARMTH
20 POKE 0121,666
30 SYS 2059
RUN (monkeon) - I love 8-bit gaming because thats where I learned that men love a girl who’s a computer nerd….but not one who can beat them every time. So a scarf would keep me warm on all those victorious yet lonely nights. (onlythegirl)
November 24th, 2006 at 2:29 am
BECAUSE IT’S GOT 8 BITS! AND HORACE GOES SKIING!
November 24th, 2006 at 2:34 am
its cold in scotland. i don’t have a scarf. can i have one of them please. i don’t like retro games.
November 24th, 2006 at 2:34 am
I used to love 8-bit computing because I could ‘peek’.. and carry on to ‘poke’.. and no one would bat an eyelid!
xxx
November 24th, 2006 at 2:37 am
a bazillion colours and 3D are for wankers.
November 24th, 2006 at 2:39 am
because waiting 5 minutes for the game to load is all part of the experience actually.
November 24th, 2006 at 2:42 am
- - …Because it’s a horrifically painful experience.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:00 am
“Mystery Bob” - five minutes?… try 35 minutes, then face a reinstall because a milk float (or anything) passed within 35 miles of your house and upset the power supply.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:03 am
BECAUSE YOU COULD BEAT UP A MONKEY WITH A FUCKING HAMMER
November 24th, 2006 at 3:06 am
…because that’s where MAGENTA came from!
November 24th, 2006 at 3:13 am
…because no game has more replay value than Jet Set Willy.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:31 am
Um. Llamas. Yes, llamas.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:31 am
Jet set willy and Manic Miner,
In these times, the games were simpler.
Jet Pac ruled but Sam Fox Poker,
With pixel tits, who could hate her.
Peek and Poke, helped the games I scored,
Who could hate that rubber keyboard!
Dont hate yourself for loving it,
Gotta love those days of just 8 bit!
(sorry)
November 24th, 2006 at 4:14 am
I always wanted a paper round but couldn’t be arsed getting up early.
November 24th, 2006 at 4:57 am
“I love 8-bit gaming because…nothing’s like Pac-man going Dig-Dug on Mrs. Pac-man resulting in the ultimate pitfall: poor sequels.”
(Yes, I know Dig Dug isn’t hyphenated. But I had to get it to 15 words.)
November 24th, 2006 at 5:55 am
…boulder dash brought me to worship the old gods of slime and bowel cancer.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:20 am
because of Zanac.
This contest just caused me to put an NES emulator onto my hard drive for the purpose of playing the hardest shooter ever.
That’s a first.
Also because of how Scramble made me feel in my belly, knowing that I could never afford to play it as much as I wanted to. Having a warm scarf with the graphics around my neck would help so much to heal that pain.
And because I want to look like a big (but humble) old geek, so badly. It’s only what I am, and I’d like to look that way. More so.
Lastly for the Christmas day and the days which followed when I played Space Invaders for twelve hours or more until I could play it to some extent whenever I shut my eyes.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:26 am
Oops:
the hardest shooter ever: Zanac. Now on my hard drive, thanks to this contest.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:12 am
…because my Babbage Engine is shit at CounterStrike: Source.
November 24th, 2006 at 11:40 am
“I love 8-bit gaming because…”
…its more enjoyable than fucking my fat pig of a wife.
November 24th, 2006 at 3:47 pm
… my older brother would scream NO YOU’RE A GIRL GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING COMPUTER and then later I’d wipe snot on the keys. Umm tasty.
November 24th, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Because I remember 4 bit gaming, and that really did suck….
November 24th, 2006 at 4:24 pm
…the flashing lights and buzzing of the loading screen gave me the idea to invent dance music
November 24th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
…it was the most fun I had before I discovered wanking.
November 24th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because …
because after ten pints my head cant cope with anything 3d.
November 24th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because it was all over before i was born.
November 24th, 2006 at 4:56 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because… It makes my eyes bleed
November 24th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
…. guys find it hot that a girl like me has retro gaming systems.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
…I’m an old cunt with fingers too arthritic to cope with 16 button controllers
November 24th, 2006 at 5:20 pm
I love 8 bit gaming beacuse it’s seven better than one bit.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:24 pm
I love 8 bit gaming because it raped me and is now holding a knife to my neck. Help.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
“I love 8-bit gaming because…” chicks dig it
November 24th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
I love 8 bit gaming because…..fuck it - can I have a scarf please Rob?
November 24th, 2006 at 5:30 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because i’m not old.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:45 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I only had to dodge bullets in at the most eight directions.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
because the images make good scarves with which to strangle your smug PS3 owning brother.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:49 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because it reminds me of my girlfriend - burnt in green phosphor and screeching as she loads.
November 24th, 2006 at 5:59 pm
Scarf, Scarf, Scarf!
November 24th, 2006 at 6:06 pm
because after the stroke i see the world in 8-bit. ooooh blocky.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:14 pm
because its twice as bleepy, sexy, and glorious as 4-bit gaming!
November 24th, 2006 at 6:18 pm
…1 bit gets a bit frustrating sometimes.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:21 pm
there’s 8 of them.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:21 pm
it makes my nipples all tingly
November 24th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Because I’m an 8-bit whore. I’m now need just one more mitten, one scarf, and a bobble for my 8-bit hat, and my (Miner Willy) will stop slapping me upside the head. Plus… well you know.. winter’s setting in and stuff and I’ll be retiring soon. Actually sod it. I thought mentioning whoring would guarantee me a scarf but it’s gone nowhere. Give one to danshome instead. That made me giggle.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
PIMP. (Miner Willy). Bollocks.
November 24th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
My Atari still works and my Xbox doesn’t. And Llamas!
November 24th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
now I’m elite
November 24th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
I like 8 bit gaming…
because there were only 8 bits to remember
November 24th, 2006 at 6:44 pm
Because waiting twenty minutes for a game to load fucking rocked.
November 24th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
… Actually, I don’t, I’ve just got a cold neck.
November 24th, 2006 at 7:17 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…
My cock is shaped like a 5 1/2″ floppy!
November 24th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
… using the joystick built up my wrist muscles, now it’s satisfaction everytime.
November 24th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
…because something had to occupy my time before sex came along
November 24th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Because even though it might be cold in Scotland, it is even colder in Canada…
OR
Because 8 bits are more than enough when it comes to saving the world
November 24th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…I’m a geek.
November 24th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
because square tits get be rock hard
because anything above 10 confuses me
November 24th, 2006 at 8:33 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…
there is no cow level so there is nothing to warry about
November 24th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
because…
it was when being (e)leet didn’t actually mean typing like a cunt.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
i can rape the queen in…oh wait
November 24th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I am a gay. A big fat gay.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:10 pm
I’ve removed all the skin from my neck with a knife. What a silly boy.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:10 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I am a nerd.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:12 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because thats where I learned that men love a girl who’s a computer nerd….but not one who can beat them every time. So a scarf would keep me warm on all those victorious yet lonely nights.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:35 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I’m a fucking retro dick. If I got anymore retro I’d be a foetus.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
because i could have a quick wank while the game loaded and then i could kill something, which caused me to have another wank
November 24th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
because it was easy to copy the bloody games
November 24th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
because i’m too cheap to buy a new console
November 24th, 2006 at 10:44 pm
“I Love 8-bit Gaming because…”
…it reminds me of the time when my mum shot me in the face and bought me a ZX spectrum to make up for it.
November 24th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
it’s all about the gameplay baby, all about the gameplay
November 24th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
because i’m a g33k with a cold neck
November 24th, 2006 at 11:15 pm
1tz s0 fxk1ng le3t… And i’m really, really cold in Scotland.
November 24th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
because I’m too much of a mong to understand any game more complex than Space Invaders.
November 25th, 2006 at 12:06 am
I love 8 bit gaming because I’ll say anything to get a “Space Invaders” scarf
November 25th, 2006 at 12:09 am
CHEAP THRILL. I love Space Invaders. It still only costs 10p to play it on an ancient console in my local arcade. How many other nostalgic whimsies can be satiated for 10p?
November 25th, 2006 at 1:32 am
“I love 8-bit gaming because…”
…the pixels were large enough to be knitted into scarves!
(or alternatively)
… scarves in 64bit 1280×1024 would have been piss-hard to knit!
November 25th, 2006 at 2:55 am
…because i’m a girl and I know enough about 8-bit gaming to be impressed by your skills but not so much that I forget my place…
November 25th, 2006 at 10:57 am
I love 8 bit gaming because it doesn’t require much concentration so I can play it with a cock in my mouth
November 25th, 2006 at 12:51 pm
…because its better than cutting the cunts out of new borns
November 25th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
“I love 8-bit gaming because…” it’s less dangerous than going to cubs
November 25th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because 7 bit gaming was always too competitive for me.
November 25th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Because i have epilepsy
November 25th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because my parents wouldnt buy me 16-bit console
November 25th, 2006 at 3:26 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because it had died out by the time i was born.
November 25th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
because it’s better than a kick up the arse.
November 25th, 2006 at 4:07 pm
> 10 print chr$(27)+”Because I haven’t been out since 1986!”+chr$(13)
> 20 goto 10
> run
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
Because I haven’t been out since 1986!
>
November 25th, 2006 at 4:09 pm
No excuses for length given I don’t have a 16k ram pack. Let’s just go with “Because I haven’t been out since 1986″
November 25th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
I have an 8-bit heart
November 25th, 2006 at 5:26 pm
I love 8 bit gaming because I’m old skool.
November 25th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because i want a scarf.
November 25th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
Because its better than trapping your cock in a door.
November 25th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
its better than 4 bit gaming.
November 25th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I am an old git who won’t embrace the future.
November 25th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…It’s better than 2-bit and means SCARF!
November 25th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
it gives me the power to masturbate until i develop calluses on my penis
November 26th, 2006 at 9:03 am
I love 8-bit gaming because…it’s a prerequisite to getting a cool scarf.
November 26th, 2006 at 10:50 am
It’s got all the fun of 4-bit gaming, but with twice the colours.
November 26th, 2006 at 11:41 am
I love 8-bit gaming because ERROR REDO FROM START
November 26th, 2006 at 11:57 am
I love 8-bit gaming because I can count the bits on one hand - Kayser, Chernobyl
November 26th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…I can count the bits on my fingers without using my thumbs.
November 26th, 2006 at 1:24 pm
because 9 is too many and 7 is not quite enough
November 26th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because… people didn’t pester me with computer problems through messenger while playing Jetpac!
November 26th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
. .
. .
x .
x x
xx crappy ascii cocks since 1979
xx
x x
x x x x x
x x x
x x x x
November 26th, 2006 at 5:52 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because…
an 8-bit goatse wouldn’t make me want to gouge out my face!
November 26th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because… my dad said: the bigger the pixels, the more i can use my imagination
November 26th, 2006 at 11:53 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because it’s 8 bit gaming!
Enough said.
November 27th, 2006 at 1:47 am
I love 8-bit gamming because its the only type of games i can pwn noobs at!
November 27th, 2006 at 4:49 am
I love 8-bit gaming because anything more and I break out in hives.
November 27th, 2006 at 5:38 am
I love 8-bit gaming because it makes my penis that extra pixel longer
November 27th, 2006 at 9:32 am
I love 8 bit gaming because…
…there are 8 of them… oh, wait… wrong joke.
November 27th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I love 8-bit gaming because IT KILLED MY MONG DOG
November 27th, 2006 at 10:12 am
I love 8 bit gaming because it was a time of simpler pleasreeee….skeeeshhhh…”R Tape loading error, 0:1″
November 27th, 2006 at 11:45 am
“I love 8-bit gaming because…” who needs to count to more than 256?
November 27th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because its really really really really nice
)
November 27th, 2006 at 1:03 pm
bum tit tit, bum tit tit, play the willy banjo
November 27th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
10 REM SCARF COMPETITION HACK FOR INFINATE WARMTH
20 POKE 0121,666
30 SYS 2059
RUN
November 27th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
I love 8 bit gaming because after a full week gaming there is always a bit left
November 27th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
I love 8-bit gaming…
… because I am dork.
Actually, I just want a Space Invaders scarf to go with my Space Invader hat…
November 27th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
I love 8 bit gaming…
… because hey, it’s 16K, and what does that get you today? Bugger all.
November 27th, 2006 at 4:47 pm
because thier little hands make your cock look big
November 27th, 2006 at 6:30 pm
5 REM TO RUN AWAY AFTER TYPING RUN!
10 ? Give me the scarf!
20 GOTO 10
RUN
November 27th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Also, because this competition got me all nostalgic like
November 28th, 2006 at 2:07 am
because the controls were SO much easier.
November 28th, 2006 at 2:06 pm
Ive never been called a n00b playing missile command…
November 28th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Just give me the scarf or the kitten gets it.
November 28th, 2006 at 3:46 pm
I could rape the queen in her pixellated 256-grey scale anus
November 28th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Suggestion for next weeks “things I would like to see” for the newsletter:
8-bit “royal ass rape” where the player can insert a root vegetable of their choice into various crown-wearing bejewelled goatse characters. Radish HRH to sounds of “One likes that” and “Philip is that you”
Bonus points for stereo sound, code
November 28th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
“I love 8-b it gaming because…” pirate copies of strip poker made its way around our junior school class.
November 28th, 2006 at 4:20 pm
I love 8-b it gaming because you had to spend 15 minutes trying to guess the controls
November 28th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Because, beeeeep bip…. beeeeeep biddledy beep…….beep bip….beeep..gnanger nanger woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
November 28th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because i cant count past 9, and the other games wont let me play
November 28th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because 7-bit just ain’t enough
November 28th, 2006 at 10:05 pm
too much pixels are overrated.
November 29th, 2006 at 12:12 am
I love 8-bit gaming because it inspires my boyfriend to draw Space Invaders all over my unmentionables.
November 29th, 2006 at 2:18 am
because im wank at anything more complex
November 29th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because back then gameplay mattered.
November 29th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
“I love 8-bit gaming because… pixels were real pixels in those days, not like the tiny things you get now”.
Also…
“I love 8-bit gaming because… working for the Psi-5 Trading Company was the best job I ever had”.
November 29th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
i love 8-bit gaming because it never took much aiming
November 29th, 2006 at 8:27 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because I can’t use those cocking analogue sticks that now plague control pads
November 29th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because it gives my sister epileptic fits that my dad says are love spasms
November 30th, 2006 at 6:41 am
I love 8-bit gaming because it makes me an elitist compared to todays teenage idiots who’ve never even heard of Ultima, much less Scramble, Manic Miner, or Jet Set Willy.
I also love 8-bit gaming so much that I got a sweet ass tattoo.
http://myspace-900.vo.llnwd.net/00146/00/93/146423900_l.jpg
December 1st, 2006 at 12:38 am
I love 8-bit gaming because it takes me back to a better day, a Whackaday!
December 1st, 2006 at 7:05 pm
because it’s twice as good as 4-bit
December 1st, 2006 at 8:57 pm
I love 8 bit gaming cos I only have havn’t enough fingers to count to 8 bit…
16 bit or more is beyond me.. if only I had friend so I could borrow some more fingers…
DOH………!
December 2nd, 2006 at 5:21 am
I love 8-bit gaming, because all that mattered was being imaginitive and fun. Anyone could become a legend.
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:16 am
i have epilepsy
December 2nd, 2006 at 12:03 pm
i forgot my boyfriends christmas prezzie and im on the scrounge.
December 3rd, 2006 at 11:51 am
…i can’t count to 10. Not to mention 16.
December 15th, 2006 at 2:53 pm
I love 8-bit gaming because that scarf is cool and I want one!