My old chum Joel Veitch has recently taken leave of his senses and turned from dodgy flash animation to the production of soft toys.
He sent me through a batch the other day and I was rather pleased to see, not only are they not shit, they actually are very nice indeed.
So I decided that B3ta readers should have a chance to win some, so I got on the blower and demanded free toys for the B3ta massive.
First off, you’ll probably want to see some photos, lovingly photographed by me in B3ta Towers. This one, for example, on the official B3ta shitter. (A toilet I’ve crapped in at least 3000 times, and I estimate that Jonti Picking has shat in it probably 500 times. Joel? He’s probably only pissed in it.)
Then I tried to get clever and make a tribute to the classic internet website, “bonsai kitten.”
And to finish off, why not have all Joel’s crew in my wifes handbag?
Anyway, to stand a chance of winning the little critters, I need you to complete this tie-breaker in 15 words or less.
“If I was Joel Veitch for the day I would…”
Add you entries to the comments section on this post. Winners will be announced on the 24th of Nov. Good luck.
BTW: If you would like to buy Joels toys without having to enter a pesky competition then you might want to look at his shop.
UPDATE: Winners! We’re all winners!
Right. I’ve picked the winners, basically on what amused me at 2 in the morning. Judges decision is final etc. So four of you get one lovely toy each.
If you was Joel Veitch for the day you would…
- RAPE THE QUEEN IN HER GAPING ANUS. (Noctu)
- murder every cunt that had ever crossed me in one glorious day of vengeance. (Ben)
- I’d have a cock! So masturbate till my cock blistered and my palms bled. Nice. (Ree)
- Treat the Mrs. to 8 seconds of love. Just the once. (Mong The Merciless Says)
I’ll be passing your email address onto Mrs Veitch so that she can send them out. Huzzah.
If I were Joel Veitch for the day I would empty the fuckers bank account into mine, steal all his good computer bits (leaving the shit though), film myself (himself?) having a wank into a sock on his phone and youtube it, then wash my hands as I would have touched his dick and ponder the rest of the day whether his willy is bigger than mine and probably get upset and paranoid that I have a small dick in my real body. Not that I have any hangups about my dick or anything. Or Joel’s. Oh shite that’s way more than 15 words.
How about:
If I were Joel Veitch for a day I would wank into a sock and youtube it. Then wash my hands.
(that’s 14, yay.)
If I were Joel Veitch for the day I would clone myself and spend the rest of the day wondering if sucking my clones cock made me gay?
Would you swallow?
If I was Joel for a day I would sing badger badger badger all the day…